I awoke to the cat kneeding my cheek, hungry as usual. Sitting up and rubbing sleep from my eyes, I stare blankly at the wall. It seemed to come closer shrinking the room. I wasn't bothered by the feeling anymore. I just exited the bed put on the same cloths as yesterday and began by decent to the pet parlor.
Moca, my loyal companion just whined at me. She did this often when she was worried about Dave. His allergies had him sneezing so bad at times she would never leave his side. Now she was worried about me. I gave her a big hug,
'Don't worry about me sweet girl. As long as we stay together we will be ok. Would you like to go on a walk today? Haven't done that in a few months right?'
Moca immediately began to wag her tail. I patted her head going to retrieve the needed walking gear. Turning the corner to the supplies, I gasped in horror. Dropping to my knees I cried my eyes out. The cat must have knocked them off the table because there in a thousand pieces on the floor was my headphones. Moca looked so guilty when she finally sat with me. I grabbed onto her. I was crying more now at the sense of how broken I was. How broken I knew I was. I looked around the dimly lit room. I couldn't even give my pets a good life anymore. And the more I cried the more that feeling called out to me. Just turn it on. Just listen to the intro and you'll be ok. On and on. My head spinning back and forth a war raging inside.
Just turn on your friends and forget about this you can do it tomorrow
But I know this is not the right thing to do so why don't I just do it?!
Because I'm just a looser no one wants. I'll be alone again.
But creepcast was made because hunter and Isaiah want friends to watch and enjoy the content.
But they aren't really here are they? I troubled myself.
Still crying on the dog I whispered in anguish,
"I'm so sorry, Moca, I just need it. I don't know what to do or where to begin anymore...I'm lost. I have you and Coco. You guys keep me here. And when I get too sad... well, at least I have my CreepCast. I'm not mad....I just can't see clearly anymore... Now let's go on that walk." I sniffled.
I hooked her up and stepped into the morning light. It was far too bright for my eyes. The 10 months I stayed indoors after the divorce papers did no good to help my vision focus. Once it did, I looked around. Everything was so bright and fresh, unlike my current outfit. We started walking.
"Moca, I don't even remember the last time I changed my cloths." I laughed to the dog. It was a genuine laugh. Something inside me felt lighter. I looked at the dog wagging her tail staring at me with adoration, then up to the sky. Maybe, things will be ok, I thought.
We reached the front door 2 hours later. I turned the key and put my hand on the warm brass doorknob. I just couldn't turn the handle. I was frozen in fear. If I go back inside, I go back. I can't just leave CreepCast alone. They are still playing in every room.
Will I even be able to stop myself? I feared. Today has been good so far I can't just go back to the same routine right?
I can still have Creepcast. Just walk the dog idiot, go outside more. Right? That's the solution. I argued with myself. Although the thing that propelled me inside wasn't my determination, but the mail man. Anytime he saw us he'd make sure to give Moca a treat and pets. I couldn't handle the pressure of anyone asking 'where have you been?', 'Where's Dave these days?', or 'you ok? Ya don't look so good'. I flung open the door and lunged inside for dear life.