u/Flat_Bend_1057

I’ve struggled emotionally for most of my life and I’m curious how much of it shows up in my chart. I am 29 years old.

I have a Pisces 8th house stellium (Sun, Venus, Mercury, Saturn) and Cancer Moon in the 12th. I feel everything very deeply and absorb the energy around me constantly. I struggle a lot with, attachment, envy, overthinking, and feeling misunderstood. I’m also a Leo rising and I do see how this plays out as I do feel like I’m a putting a mask on around people and I believe most people see me as charismatic and warm but I am dying inside. Around certain people and group environments I can be very uncomfortable and quiet.

I lost my dad at 12 (he passed down an inheritance however I haven’t been given it yet). My parents split when I was 7 due to my dad’s bi-polar issues. My mum is a lovely person but I hold a lot of resentment I think subconsciously- she got a partner who appeared nice but I knew something was up and I disliked him since I was a child. After 17 years he eventually showed really awful behaviour and became exactly the kind of person I feared he was. I hold a lot of resentment toward that whole situation and my childhood because of it. My mum also lives in another city now and I can’t visit her easy and feel horrible because she’s alone now.

I’m also an only child and weirdly jealous of people with siblings or close family support systems. Even small things like seeing siblings close to each other can affect me more than I think it should.

Things intensified after a breakup in 2020 from a 6 year relationship, when I realised afterwards that I hadn’t treated my ex as well as I should have. Since then I feel like I’ve been forced into constant self-awareness and transformation. But I think it’s so unfair that I should always have to transform when others don’t. Others seem to be already transformed if that makes sense.

What I struggle with most is feeling like other people just naturally know how to live, connect, and be happy, while my life feels emotionally heavy and like one long transformation process. I honestly resent that sometimes and wonder if this is connected to the 8th house energy in my chart.

I am with a partner now who is not right for me but I’m terrified of being alone.

I’d appreciate insight into any placements or aspects that stand out.