u/Flanders_Moustache

hello everyone, I'm not sure what to title this post but I don't know where else to ask.

for some context, when I was younger (around fourteen, fifteen) I felt Santa Muertes call, and became very interested in her and her religion. I decided to devote myself to her, I made a small altar in my room and wrote letters to her and prayed most days for about four or five months.

however, my mother decided she didn't want the altar in her house and I had to remove it. I stepped back from Santa Muerte, and promised to return to her when I had the space and time to give her a proper altar and worship her properly.

recently, I've decided to start praying again and to rebuild my altar, however i can feel she is upset with me for leaving her. I still owe her the money i left on her altar that I had to remove (around €50) that I promised to return to her (with more obviously) however I'm still living in my mother's house, and I'm afraid if she sees money at my current small altar she will remove it again. a few years have passed since she first made me get rid of the altar, but I think placing money there would make her uneasy and get rid of the altar again.

I live in Ireland, and Santa Muerte is not well known here, however my mother is uneasy with seeing my altar.

I came to Santa Muerte this morning and asked for her forgiveness and drew these cards. the death card fell out of my hands as I was shuffling the deck while I was saying the word forgiveness. does anyone have some insight into this ? would returning the money help relieve some of the guilt I feel for abandoning her / help me gain her forgiveness ? anything would be appreciated.

thank you in advance (please excuse my messy desk lol)