So, this was my first drop year (2025-2026), and I made that decision because I hadn't done 11th at all. But I really wanted to master my syllabus and had a genuine curiosity and interest in it. I really loved PCB, yaar.
at first I was really dedicated and what not. Was in aakash (Delhi) (pretty good teachers and good level of papers too) but the teacher were notorious for wasting time in doubts.)
MY REASONS FOR BURNOUT
**1)**Around December when the 12th syllabus started ( because I had given my all in 12th I really didn't want to do it from scratch ki theory ke lectures attend karu and stuff) so I started bailing on the classes ki my questions practice karungi
And ofc doubts pile up hote the but aakash me Jaana doubts ke liye meant ki there is a 50% chance ki teacher tum tak poochega hi nahi and fir vo tumhe weekend bulayega and amount of time I had wasted once (6 fucking hours and fir bhi doubts nahi liye yar)
I was fucking done with this
So I tried deep diving into the topics that I had doubts in hopes of solving them myself but Yar it turned into this never ending loop of getting more doubts and never being satisfied of seeing the end of the syllabus
This lead to a Neverending frustration with no ways of relieving it
2) isolation
3) the things which use to bring me joy or a sense of relief had already stopped working (Journaling, meet ups, doodles)
4) whenever I was stuck or saturated, I tried my best reaching out of
my teachers (vo bas, class me jo chal rha hai sath sath karo kh kar Bhaag jate the),
parents (ki tu chinta mat kar private college dila denge loan leke),
friends( they had their own struggles to get through plus unko collage ke liye rant karte dekh I used to feel worse ki why am I not in one already?)
That reaching out never lead me any solutions
That isolated me even more
So I stopped reaching out
5) putting on a fake facade and persevering through, ended with me sitting on my chair all day and all night long ( unable to sleep out of stress and anxiety) with my books open but unable to process it anymore
6) The things that I could finish in minutes now started taking me days. I've been working hard to find the end of the tunnel, but there seems to be none at all (that's how it feels now).
2026 JAN- I've been crying myself to sleep for weeks and weeks straight, idk out of frustration?
I've turned bitter, whenever I see people ranting about collage ( for example, dost nahi ban rhe etc etc)
It really ticks me the wrong way...
FEB- now my reason to cry is ki mughe ye sath aur nahi padhna, I wanna study something, mughe procrastinate nahi karna but I can't do this anymore
)(padhai kafi kam hogayi)
APRIL- the subject I was so passionate about, the only thing which has always been my salvation BIOLOGY even that is now something I HATE
(no study, no pyq, no life, no nothing)
I'VE TURNED SO BITTER KI NOW I HATE THIS SYLLABUS I HATE EVEN MY FAVOURITE SUBJECT jo padhne ke liye mai marti thi
( for a lil more context I litteraly couldn't go out of my house for even walks like ever (personal reasons). till March, ghar me construction ho rhi thi to mai room se bhi bahar nahi ja rhi thi)
So there was absolutely nothing left in life to look forward to... Because everything in my life is now postponed to ki neet ke baad ( neet ke baad apne bhai se Baat karungi, neet ke baad mai apne bodyache and diet ko dekhungi [due to sitting on my chair the whole dya and night])
I LITERALLY FUCKINGG STARTED WATCHING ASMR AND YT VIDEOS 24×7 TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THE SOCIAL INTERACTION I CRAVED,I STARTED WATCHING HIKING WALK THROUGH FOR ALL THE TIMES I WANTED TO JUST GO OUT ON A STROLL)
So now there is no hope for me to score anything and I've already grieved ki Mai biology aur persue nahi kar paungi
Although I fucking hate this syllabus and idk how much time it will for me to be able to open my books with crying as a reflex
But kyunki it feels unfair ki this attempt is not gonna be based on What I studied
I'm hoping to take a partial drop
BUT I HAVE NO HOPES KI MERE NEET ME 150 BHI AYENGE (last year bina padhe 300 the and this year I could have ATLEAST gotten 550?)
So how do i get a collage? Which course?
If I do have hope ki cuet tak mai ye saturation temporarily theek karke kuch to exam dedu