I’m 26(m) and I can’t let go the person who build me up when I was into drugs, even those she cheated on me idk why I feel to miss them, I wasn’t the best I was growing up myself, there a lot to the story I’ll give the part where we move to her hometown, and losing our first apartment there, we had about 4 months to figure out a new place and she suggested she live in dorms and I have my own apartment ( I went with it despite my feeling bc I didn’t want to upset her plus I can tell the relationship was rocky but i felt she didn’t want me anymore even tho I moved 4 hours away from my home) the bad part she was an alcoholic an i hated, instead me leaving I try to help took some damage that wasn’t suppose to happen but anyway she going back into college i honestly couldn’t be more proud of her to go back to school, we went with the plan an omg I hated it, the loneliness in apartment, and when she wanted to come to apartment, it was going to bars all the time or going out, guess that was spending quality time, it brought me a point that tbh I was nothing but an object or a money tool where I almost took my life, I had no one, no one to call or want anything to do with anyone, I tried to end it and I failed, I was so embarrassed by it I made a story up then like 2 weeks later she left me on read or barely talk to me for 2 days, I got fed up and I ask her are you cheating on me and I crack the code, she did, we had our finale talk and day together before we split up,I called my mom the day before because I’m staying in a town I never knew, the same day she left is the same day I pack what I can take. 5 years with someone is a lot of your time, I want going to propose to her when we was going to see her grandparents in November, had some money back when i return the ring back that’s a plus, after coming back work my ass off for a car,of course i got back into drugs for like 2 years then just cold turkey it, now i smoke weed only, use tattoos as a self harm way but a good way, i just live in the moment, an when someone tries to hook up with me every time i just shut it down, i want to feel like im wanted, and most importantly safe, everyday I have to keep my surroundings on guard especially when im in my own space, she made me feel like whole, a person omg a dam human being but when college in the picture, changes the person i guess, it’s been like almost 4 years in September, ill know this never happen because she glad she got me out the picture and hate my guts but i hope one day i get to talk to you and you an i have at least a deep closure talk, i still have the polaroid photo of you, ill never forget it, and im glad your doing better for yourself
Thanks for listen to my ted talk