Idk what to do anymore with no support for anorexia and I’m terrified. 23 yr old female England UK.
TW- numbers.
I’m so terrified and idk if I can get better at all. I was with community ed service but they were SO bad. Had SSCM from Aug to Feb this year which helped initially but focus on mp’s and weight was not ok. Relapse in Jan at >!bmi 17.3!< and discharged for relapsing despite begging for more help, told I don’t have an ed, labelled everything on trauma which is SO wrong. All AN symptoms. Prev history; diagnosed at 16, inpatient care that helped me recover a lot and no full relapse until last year.
Without services >!I’ve dropped to bmi 15!< (this morn) when >!my prev lw was 15.3!<. Live at home with my mum whose tryna support me. 6 weeks ago we set up a system where we pre plan a weeks food, she makes most decisions, prepares all my meals and snacks for me on my mp. Helped to start but it’s gotten harder. Now I’m not completing things and losing the whole time. Prev 2 weeks I’ve had panic attacks and major meltdowns most evenings over dinner. I hate it, so desperate to get better but I’m just struggling sm.
My GP has been monitoring me. First app it was 4 week gap, next was 2 week. 2 week app was bad, asked for bloods, 1 week for next app and notes said admit me if bmi keeps dropping. Had 1 week app Thurs just gone and first time I’ve ‘maintained’, bloods fine and she did no other obs like the other times. Seemed v happy, dropped back down to 2 and she’s already saying hopeful I’ll start gain and drop back to 4 week apps.
I have not maintained. Diff time of day, I’m not good talking in my apps due to anxiety. So worried about app in 2 weeks. I’m not managing well at all and idk what to do anymore. Mum said last night she doesn’t know what to do, can’t support me properly at home and I need more help. But there’s nothing more where I live. There’s counselling and priv therapy for mild-mod but I’m beyond their criteria. I’ve slipped through the cracks.
But I don’t wanna get admitted/ i don’t even think GP’s can just send to hosp (assume general) for BMI only bc all other vitals are fine. >!BMI has to be SO low like 12-13 for that!<. Reading ‘admit if bmi drops’ made me so angry. Also take Elvanse for ADHD which probs has something to do with my bp and heart rate being so normal but GP hasn’t brought that up at all bc I’m on right to choose rn.
Anyone know what to do? Promise that I’m trying so hard and do wanna get better.