Long term affair limerance
Need to get this off my chest, there is no one I can talk to about this. I fell in love and had an affair with a single coworker 9 years ago. We had a very passionate affair for years. I was close to leaving my wife and starting a new life with her, but could never handle the fear and guilt of leaving my family. My affair partner had limerance for me I’m sure all those years. But she has now lost patience and has started over. All those years it was me hurting her and being on the fence what to do and I have guilt of how I hurt her.
Now that she has started over and cut off communication, I feel I’m going crazy. I can’t stop thinking about her, can’t work, can’t sleep, can’t eat. But this is my fault, I could have been with her but let fear control me.
I have no idea how to move on with my wife. Do I tell her how I feel even though I can’t be with my affair partner? I feel at this point years of dishonesty have caught up to me, and I need to be truthful. But due to limerance I don’t trust any of my thoughts
I have my first counseling session Thursday and hopefully that will start to help me be present and figure out what to do with my life.