Alright so back around Christmas time my boss made a sexual comment to me that made me slightly uncomfortable. He told me i should "buy some toys, because i have a prostate". He's out and proud and at first I thought he was trying to nudge me to get me to open up about myself. Thats not his job though! I am comfortable with who i am i just prefer to keep it out of the workplace to avoid discrimination. He made this comment in front of one of my subordinates though. And after that other members of my staff started making jokes and comments. This had already happened once before at one of my other sites I oversee but that time was way sillier so I brushed it off but it kinda came back to me after this interaction.
As January came he made a VERY suggestive comment to me. I think I was talking about a certification class I was taking on Coursera so I could pick up some remote gig work for extra cash and he mentioned that I could always sell my a$$ to men. I told him that made me very uncomfortable and walked away. A day or two later he started mentioning a friend coming in town, which i just blew off. No thank you I prefer monogamy no matter the partner.
Fast forward awhile he saw an interaction I had with a customer that maybe got a little flirtatious and a few days later described a dream he had about me and my "friend" dancing shirtless in a club and our chest tattoos.
Now, after these interactions I kinda went into shut down mode at work, as I saw my boss as an actual role model. But now I just see him as a creep. I know my work has suffered, but I still get positive reviews and my bonuses have been decent. I still try to play the politics games just to keep my job going but I have shifted from wanting gig work to wanting a new job altogether. That said in the last month or so it feels like im being pushed out. Drama and gossip was pushed on me from another manager under my bosses leadership and that gossip continues. I keep getting told to stay positive no matter what and to not take any concerns higher than my boss. Actually there was a company wide email that mandated this...the thing is the gossip and drama from the other sites started right after these interactions that I blew off...I mean one of my vendors asked me and one of my employees about it today because he "heard about it from other manager and my boss".
Other little comments like poking fun at my hand gestures and saying things like you gotta quit being so gay...
Also might add the other day I mentioned I needed a vacation and he told me I could work 40 in 3 days and take a long weekend...I'm wondering on the legality of that as well.
I never took these interactions to HR because:
I saw my boss as a role model before...I guess I really still would like to.
I need my job and didn't want to stir the pot
I feel like this would end up causing me to disclose my sexuality to my employer, which i shouldn't have to do!
I need my job! Its a rough market out there and I am just venturing out (year 2) in my second career and there's a reason I retired from career number one.
When I do separate from this company I want to have as many professional references as possible!
But now since I feel as though im being pushed out by my boss, but still after conversations with higher up leadership feel appreciated dont know if I should present this to HR or just keep plugging away til I land a new role. So maybe it's sexual harassment and extreme toxic work environment, maybe it's Maybelline...IDK you tell me.