Triggered by seeing pregnant women
We discovered our pregnancy was ectopic on April 3 and got MTX on April 7 to resolve. My HCG levels were not super high to begin with, which somehow felt invalidating but I guess good in terms of resolution. I am still not at 0 HCG but hoping today was the last draw.
I have had emotional ups and down but thought I was on the upswing. When I went in for my draw today there was a visibly pregnant woman and her toddler getting on the elevator in front of me and I had to walk away and burst into a whole meltdown on the side of the parking garage. Just from seeing someone pregnant. Then of course going to the OB I see several other beautiful bumps and happy couples. Of course I do not know these people and wish them all well but I didn’t realize how triggering it would still be.
I only knew I was pregnant for a couple weeks before this. I feel like I should be “over it” as it’s been over a month / that I am not entitled to this level of grief but it’s the hardest shit I have been through. I feel like my body is still holding the trauma; I’ve had all kinds of skin problems and bloating. I feel really disconnected from my body and have so much bitterness, grief, and anxiety about the future.
Not sure what I’m looking to get out of posting this but just looking for an outlet. This subreddit has been so helpful to me and I’d like to give back in some way and interact more with others here. What a terrible club.