I (25f) feel like nothing i ever do is enough. Growing up i tried to please everyone, turns out i do it in my adult life too. I want a fresh start. I plan on leaving everything behind in July. I plan on leaving my family. (Blood) my partner and their family, which i adore. I plan on leaving my babies (3 ferrets). The 4 people I've told are saying I should stay. I should work things out with my partner of 3years.
Theres more cons on staying now. Examples: Im in an Open Relationship i dont want. My partner has a severe porn addiction and hasnt touched me in two months. (Even when practically begging for it.) They message and talk to other girls on the daily via Reddit, Onlyfans, Dating apps and sites. Even AI bots.
When I told my partner that I dont think theyre attracted to me they said they found me more attractive in the beginning of the relationship vs now. (This Breaks me.) Why am I not good enough anymore.. I did everything they asked that I could manage. I gave rubs, I gave time, I gave comfort i even let them take a whole year off work so that they could rebuild their mental health.(which I've never told them I had an issue with at all) i bought a car for them. I let them see(romantically) people and date because they said they could love me and more people.
My partner has said that they love me and they need me. But I honestly dont feel it. I feel its fake. I feel that im just convenient to them. That i give them everything and what I do is not enough yk? I started eating better, I am on birth control, im on anti-depressants and an anti psychotic. I know im not perfect in any way or shape as a partner but I try and it doesn't feel enough.
Sorry for the mess of a paragraph im just letting it out as I type. I am seeing a mental health professional Friday to try new meds and therapy because with my confession of leaving has those 4 people convinced I might try to take my life again lol