26M | Ex-girlfriend (26F) wants to marry me after choosing someone else years ago - but I only see her as a friend now. What should I do?
I’m a 26M and I’m genuinely confused about a big life decision.
Back in college, I was in a relationship with Krupa. She had multiple guys interested in her, but she chose me, and over time I fell deeply for her too.
We spent 3 out of 4 college years together - studying, hanging out, basically growing up together. It was my first serious relationship.
After graduation, both of us got jobs. Around that time, she wanted to go abroad for higher studies, but I wasn’t interested in that path. I wanted to focus on work experience, switching companies, growing in my career, etc.
Over time, I noticed she started becoming distant - emotionally unavailable, avoiding closeness, acting differently. Eventually, we mutually agreed to end the relationship and focus on ourselves, careers, and personal growth, with a “maybe in the future” kind of understanding.
After the breakup, we stayed in touch and became close friends.
But then I realized she was getting very close to another guy. My gut told me something was going on, so I asked her directly. She admitted she liked him and they started dating.
That absolutely shocked me.
Because from my perspective, we had just ended a 4-year relationship, and she moved on so quickly that it made me question whether she had feelings for him even before we ended things.
That moment emotionally changed something in me. I moved on mentally after that.
She dated that guy, moved abroad with him, but they broke up within about a year due to compatibility issues.
We stayed in contact all these years (it’s now been around 4 years since all this happened), mostly as best friends.
After her breakup, she admitted she made a huge mistake choosing the other guy and said she wanted to be with me again. She even suggested LDR at one point.
But I told her honestly: the feelings I once had were gone. The trust and emotional attachment got damaged after what happened.
Still, I never completely cut contact.
Now the situation is different.
Her family has started looking for marriage prospects within their caste, and she recently approached me saying I’m her first priority for marriage.
She says she deeply loves me, calls/video calls regularly, and wants to make this work.
But here’s my confusion:
From my side, I care about her a lot, but more like a best friend.
I don’t currently feel the same romantic love I had during college.
I don’t know if that’s because:
• too much time has passed,
• the emotional damage never fully healed,
• long distance makes emotional connection difficult,
• or I’ve simply genuinely moved on.
I’ve been single ever since.
Not because I couldn’t date, I had opportunities but because after that experience, I didn’t want emotional chaos again. So I focused on myself, career, travel, personal growth, and honestly became comfortable being alone.
Now if I consider marriage with her, it’s not a small decision.
There are practical complications too:
She currently works abroad in a good company.
• Her ideal plan is that we marry, I move abroad, we earn there for a few years, then settle in India.
• That means I’d potentially need to switch from my current India-based MNC role to something internationally aligned.
• Both families currently don’t know about this possibility.
• Convincing parents would be another huge step.
My biggest fear:
What if I marry her because of history, comfort, and familiarity… but the romantic feelings never come back?
Or worse:
What if I’m just the “safe choice” now because the other relationship failed?
At the same time, what if I’m rejecting something meaningful because of old hurt?
So I’m stuck between options:
Ask her for time, meet properly in India, and genuinely see if compatibility/feelings can return.
Let this go and continue focusing on myself until I naturally meet someone else.
Try dating other people first since I’ve never experienced any relationship besides my first one.
Give this a serious second chance.
I’d genuinely appreciate honest perspectives especially from people who’ve revisited old relationships or dealt with “the one that came back.”