I went to public high school in one of the best counties for education in the U.S. , Montgomery County, MD. I got straight As, took APs, did everything “right”. I got into my dream private liberal arts school 3 years ago, and dropped out recently after consistent failure.
After my first semester I realized I was absolutely not up to par with my (majority private high school) peers. I could barely write an AP-level essay, let alone a 10-page paper. I didn’t know how to annotate readings that weren’t fiction, struggled to hit word counts, I couldn’t produce anything original, only analyze the work of others. I didn’t know how to organize group work as I had always been the one to just do it all. It was a lot of little things but it really added up.
A lot of American public high schools (especially post-Covid) have so many students that can’t behave properly/refuse to do any work, so you stand out if you do the bare minimum. My teachers didn’t have time to criticize my work or teach me more advanced skills because they had to spend so much time nannying the students (plus many of them had second jobs). I happened to be a big reader as a kid so I knew a good amount of “high-level” words and great reading comprehension skills. My teachers would just give me good grades for this relatively basic stuff and I never tried to improve further because of the validation. I didn’t realize at the time it was only because my 15/16/17/18 year old classmates struggled with understanding simple metaphors or pronunciation. I was passed through consistently because I didn’t cause problems and wasn’t observably struggling.
I know kids aren’t born stupid, I know many of my classmates are successful, I know I wasn’t the exception to the rule, I know COVID played a part, I know teachers are overburdened and it shouldn’t be on them, I know this is a very complex issue and there’s no one solution. I can’t help but feel cheated, though. Like my diploma is bullshit I got for not physically fighting my classmates and being able to spell the word “beautiful” at age 18.
I am responsible for my own actions at the end of the day, and am now working towards getting my life back on track after leaving college, but really feel frustrated and like none of my accomplishments were real. I tried very hard to take advantage of the resources offered to struggling students at my college but honestly I don’t think I’m capable enough right now to do well and that’s for me to work on myself before spending more money.