Hi everyone, this is one of my first posts on Reddit, so please bear with me. English is not my first language.
TL;DR, I (19F) recently (a month) met a man (29M) through a small online study community on Discord. We live in different countries but relatively close geographically (90 minute flight distance). We have been talking regularly for about a month and have mutual interest, but are not officially dating. I turn 20 and he turns 30 this year.
For context, we initially interacted within a group setting (study server with multiple people, sometimes on voice/video). Over time, we started talking privately. The connection developed gradually through conversation, movies and shared study sessions.
At some point, we both expressed mutual interest. I had jokingly flirted before, and he later said he liked me and suggested we “take it slow and see where it goes.” Since then, we’ve been talking regularly (text, calls, and occasional video calls). There has been no pressure, rushing, or expectation of exclusivity from either side.
We have acknowledged the age gap (19F / 29M). He is aware of it and has not dismissed it as a concern. From my perspective, communication has been respectful, and there has been no pressure regarding time, attention, or boundaries. I am still fully focused on my studies and daily life, and this connection has not interfered with my routine.
However, I told a friend (20F) about it, and she reacted very strongly against the age gap. She is concerned about power imbalance and potential risk, especially given I am still young and not fully independent yet (though I am working toward independence in the next year or two). She believes the dynamic is inherently unsafe, while I personally have not felt uncomfortable so far.
This has left me unsure how to interpret the situation. I can understand why the age gap raises concerns, but I also feel like I’m being cautious and not rushing anything.
I’m not trying to justify anything or prove a point — I genuinely want outside perspectives to make sure I’m not overlooking something important.