Abit of a backstory of my cat and family:
About maybe 4-5 years ago i had a cat that my brother couldn’t look after anymore so he gave him to us. My mum used to be super scared of cats but everyone else in the house are complete animal lovers so we accepted and mum gave in.
He would always go outside so there was no litter and poop needing to be cleaned and id feed him in the morning if he was home and when i came back from school.
Parents main responsibility was just sometimes lunch and opening the garden door for him when us kids weren’t there. I was like his main guardian bc he slept w me every night that he was home and we would play.
After having him for maybe a year my mum got rid of him while i was in school. Its bc there was a wind storm and he was out during that time and was missing for about 3 days. That was the longest he was ever gone for and he was obviously traumatised like that wind broke down trees and everything. My poor baby was out there for days! He came back home without any injuries but he started pooping in the house on the floor 😓 he did that about 4 times till my mum had enough and waited for us to go school and get my dad to give him to a new family. This was only about 2 days after he came back from the storm 💔💔💔 he just needed abit of time and love and ik i cleaned some of his poo that he did around the house if i was home so mum could have spared him some time.
I noticed straight away he was gone because almost every single everyday other than those 3 days he was missing when we were close to home i would call to him and he would come running and walk a few minutes with us till we were at our doorstep.
I was super worried he wasn’t home bc yes he goes out a lot but it was never for hours and he jist got back from being lost 💔 after a night went i was scared he became missing again. After a few days i knew mum had something to do with it somehow and told her to just tell me what she did to him. I pestered her for weeks but after the first week i knew she sent him off. Only months later did she admit it (all that time beforehand she said he mist have gotten lost himself)
I made sure to verify she sent him to a home and not just abandon.
Anyways heres the real problem😭
I remember crying so much and promised myself if i ever have kids she wont see them bc she took my baby away. I dont think that way anymore but im still not over him even though i have a new cat. Ive had him for way over a year, even longer than i had this one for. A few months back i stopped comparing him to my old cat and love him just as much finally.
But i still get super sad every few months and mourn my baby. He didn’t even die hes still alive but hes not mine 💔 i want him so bad and miss our relationship. How do you mourn something thats still here ? Why am i not over him when i already have a loving baby??? Ive spent so much more time with my current cat but everytime i see the scar my old one gave me i start to bawl out crying bc i dont want it to fade. Im so sad to see it gradually go. I feel like a piece of me is missing which is so strange bc he wasnt eevn properly my cat and everyone else in my family seems to have forgotten about him. Im the only one who mentions him. I also feel like i dont have the same relationship with my current cat. Yes i love him so much and he brings me peace but i feel so guilty for not being able to give this love to my old one but then i also feel so guiltu to my one right mow for feeling like this. He
definitely cant even tell but it feels so unfair to him
Its been years i just cant seem to ever forget him and i dont know if i want to but its the only way i can be happy ??! When he went to his new family they were gona give him back bc he was pooping in their home BUT MY MUM TOLD ME THIS MONTHS AFTER THEY GAVE THE REQUEST. He could have still been my baby and i couldve given him the reassurance he needed but i didnt. I could have fought it and i did search her phone for the ladies numver but i chose not to do anything with it to save my own peace but now its haunting me.
Honestly this post is really just a reminder for myself and rant like i dont even need advice bc im not even sure what im asking. Just wana unload and maybe in a few years come back to my own post and see howbi feel.