I’m struggling with my studies, and I don’t know what to do.
Ever since school, I’ve had this pattern where I started out trying hard, getting good results, and seeing the point in putting in the effort. But after moving into middle school, that enthusiasm faded very quickly. My social skills declined, my anxiety increased, my self-esteem dropped, and I lost the desire to achieve good grades. It wasn’t so much that I didn't want to learn new things; rather, I was paralyzed by social anxiety and the overwhelming pressure of timed assignments. I wasn't bullied per se, but I was mostly an outcast, and teachers often looked at me or spoke to me with dislike.
By the time I had to take my final exams, I wasn't ready—not mentally, not in terms of knowledge, and certainly not in terms of motivation. So, while I passed the exams, the scores weren't high enough for a scholarship, and I had to enroll in university as a tuition-paying student. Of course, I had thought about a major, but I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do. So, I chose something that seemed like a "decent" option.
My major is related to computer technology, but I feel like I can’t stand it. From the very beginning, things weren't exactly good or bad. Many things frustrated me and killed any desire to even try. On the other hand, I did try—I really did. I had above-average grades because, back then, I still had some motivation to succeed. I communicated with some people in my group, and we helped each other out. But over time, the atmosphere in the group began to weigh on me. I started to become afraid of doing anything because of the fear of judgment and the fear of not being able to perform at a sufficient level. I was afraid of the professors; they seemed too harsh, even cruel, to me. I have a kind nature and I’m an empathetic person, so it was hard for me to exist in an environment with that kind of atmosphere. I started burning out from the inside.
At some point, I started falling behind on my assignments, and now I don't know what to do about the backlog. I’ve lost the desire and the strength to do the work. Because I’m constantly sitting over my assignments until late at night, or even until morning, I’ve started having psychological issues and my sleep schedule is completely ruined. I tried to force myself back on track, but every time, things only got worse.
Now I’m in my penultimate year; I have many incomplete grades in various subjects, and I still don't have the strength to fix them. I don't know how to move forward or what to do about this.