u/FamousMix2368

My family and I are having a difficult dilemma. My brother has 3 kids 1 girl and 2 boys. His daughter is amazing very well behaved and loving. His 2 boys are absolute terrors! They are both autistic and act out at any given moment. Any small thing can set them off and they will throw a tantrum. The boys are older now 8 and 10 and the 10 year old is fine as long as he has an iPad or any electronic device, the younger one is a menace. He hits, kicks screams throws things at the other kids he’s completely out of control. While he’s on the spectrum and these things are to be expected his parents are oblivious. They allow him to throw fits and scream and knock things over and they just tell him to calm down or half the time don’t say anything at all. I’ve had multiple conversations with them telling them they need to address these now because he will only get worse as he gets older. They become very defensive and say he’s autistic and they can’t hit or punish him because he won’t understand. While I understand that not all kids respond the same they still have to do something. It’s gotten to the point now where several family members don’t want to invite them on vacations and family gathers (myself included) and it’s a tough situation because I love them but it’s not fair to everyone else to subject them to this level of stress when your trying to enjoy your time off with your own kids. We have a ski trip planned and we are renting a big house in the mountains. The rest of them family wants to room together but wants me to ask them to get their own place so everyone can enjoy their trip. Part of me thinks it’s best to just be truthful and respectfully tell them what everyone is saying but the other part of me thinks it might hurt them and create more stress on the family. Not sure how to proceed.