First session with CG didn't end well (TRIGGER WARNING)
I feel so ashamed and guilty right now. I have a friend who has experience being a caregiver, and I was very excited to meet up with them and do some regression stuff with a person for the first time IRL. I ended up regressing really well when we went out and did some shopping, especially with playing with some toys and using a weighted stuffie. I started feeling really sleepy and wanted to take a nap with them. I ended up trying to nap for a little bit with them running their hands through my hair and I wasn't able to regress back to that state at all. It felt like I was flashing back >!to my SA when I was younger.!< It was awful. I couldn't even convey in words what has happened to them at that moment and asked them to leave. I'm so embarrassed and feel like I couldn't even do regressing right. It doesn't help I'm very touch starved and dealing with a lot of mental and physical health shit. I feel like I let my friend down because they were equally as excited as I was to do it. I even set out my boundaries and things I wanted to happen during our first session as I felt out the littlespace in front of someone.
I'm not really sure what to ask for in this case. Advice, kind words... something. I feel like a fuckup rn and just keep crying.
EDIT: so we talked it out a little bit and they don't want to continue the relationship because of the intimacy involved with it. So uh yeah. Gonna just... idk what I'm going to do tbh.