Long story short, I live with my grandpa and I'm working a job and saving to try and buy a camper and move out. He and his girlfriend are addicts and constantly fighting and blaring loud music and there's always tension I just can't handle.
My dad said he'll help me pick one, and set it up and maintain it once one comes along I can afford it. If you're curious why I can't live with him it's because he lives in a camper himself and there really just isn't enough room for me and his girlfriend and all their animals. And Mom has been out of the picture for many years.
I can't seem to find a good camper, the only ones that look good and don't cost two arms and a leg are 5th wheelers and I can't haul that.
And then beyond that I've been having a hell of a time getting my GED courses started because my parents won't help me and I have to go to a meeting to even start. I think I'm gonna have to wait until I'm 18 so I can actually do it myself but that means I can't even get my learners permit till then, which SUCKS. Till I can get someone on board or until I am 18, I just kinda have to work my ass off at this job and seem likeable.
Which is really really hard because without going into much detail it's an evangelical run campground, and the people there are nice but clearly wouldn't accept me being gay, it's very very awkward, but everyone likes me I guess. My boss said I was a hard worker which got me brownie points with my father.
And I'm 2 years clean from SH this year which is crazy. I don't even remember what it was like to be in that headspace now... But I'm in a new kind of bad headspace... It's better but still not good at all.
And I know this part is kinda shallow but... I'm really lonely, idk I'm a drop out, my main interaction with people outside of my home is camp and they're all evangelical or assholes my age, and, idk I just wish I had like an irl boyfriend, I've never even had a guy who's had a crush on me or anyone for that matter. I lost over 100lbs since 2024 I've tried to go out and be on the river and party, I just feel like I maybe unlikeable sometimes. Like seriously.
I try and be funny and nice and sweet and flirt but I'm really shy so my flirting is always awkward, and I try not to be overbearing if I can tell a guy isn't into it I back off... I'm trying but it's not good enough.
Sometimes it's really really hard. Like today, I worked two full days in a row and it was a bunch of stuff, and then we had an episode of Jerry Springer in the front yard when I got home and I've just been. Drained, I really am not excited to wake up tomorrow.