Crying at work..
On April 29th I let my almost 14 year old dog go despite her mind and activity level being fine. The aggressive tumor she had was making it so she could not potty anymore and the day before I made the decision to let her go she was actually beginning to show pain and was getting poo and blood all over. I couldn't let such a good dog suffer, so I made the call.
She left the world laying her head in my lap, and it felt like my heart was torn apart. I got her when I was 20, lonely and depressed. She was my most beloved companion. We have traveled cross country together, been hiking all over and just had a wonderful time together. I always thought my 30s seemed so far away, I was 20, it felt like we had forever together. But then it felt like I blinked and I was 33 and she is gone.
I already had my honeymoon planned for two days after the day we said goodbye and my bosses let me take the two days on top of my honeymoon. My husband and I figured it would be best to get away a while and keep our minds busy. Which kinda worked though I still cried a bit during our honeymoon trip. But it is now almost the two week mark and I have been home a few days now. The day we got home from the honeymoon her ashes were ready to pick up. I was fine for about an hour, but then I lost my mind. I was hyperventilating and sobbing. My husband had to give me klonopin (idk how to spell it but whatever) to calm me down. Since then I have fallen into a deep depression. The apartment seems so empty without her, so quiet. Aside from our cat still screaming and looking for her. He is having a rought time too. But I am at work now and I started crying again. I want to do some cleaning but it feels like my chest is in a vice grip. I am embarrassed I am losing my cool at my job but my dog was my world, and now she is gone. It really sunk in once we came back from our honeymoon and I am just not ok.
Has anyone else broken down at work? Should I not be hard on myself to push myself? Should I give myself some time to take it a bit more easy?