22M need advice and help with my metal state
I’m a 22M. I met this girl on Instagram around 6 months ago. At first we talked normally, but after about a month we both started developing feelings for each other. I confessed to her, and although things were a little complicated in the beginning, it eventually worked out.
When we started getting serious, I told her honestly about my past and asked her to do the same. I have never been physical with anyone till now. She told me she had one boyfriend before and that they had only kissed once. I accepted that completely and told her it wasn’t a problem for me. However, she never properly explained why they broke up.
As months passed, our relationship became serious. We started talking about marriage, future plans, families, friends, everything. One day I casually suggested that we exchange Instagram passwords. She refused and said, “With time I’ll share it, but right now I don’t trust you completely for this.” I accepted that at the time.
But from the very beginning of the relationship, whenever I asked more about her past, she would avoid the topic and say things like, “Don’t ask about it, I don’t like talking about it,” and that she had already told me everything. Still, I always felt like something was off.
Yesterday, after a lot of pressure from my side, she finally broke down crying and admitted that she had actually been physical with the same boyfriend back when she was in 12th class. I was completely stunned and started crying immediately.
The main issue for me is not that she was physical before me. The issue is that she hid it from me despite us having serious conversations about honesty from day one. If she wasn’t comfortable telling me initially, I would’ve understood that too. But hiding it for months while we got deeper into the relationship hurt me badly.
When I tried to talk things out calmly, she started crying and saying things like: “Leave me, I’m not right for you.” “You deserve someone better.”
I still tried to reassure her and told her that her past is her past, but I needed complete honesty from now on because I can’t keep investing emotionally and then find out new things later that I may not be able to handle.
For transparency and peace of mind, I again asked her to share her Instagram password. I honestly thought she would this time, considering the situation, but she still refused. She said: “We’ve already talked about this before. I still don’t trust you enough for that. I’ll give it with time.”
That really shocked me because after finding out she hid such a big thing from me, I felt like I should be the one struggling with trust now, not her. I even explained that I wasn’t asking to control her or spy on her, but because my mind is completely disturbed right now and I wanted some reassurance.
She then said: “Please don’t keep giving me those flashbacks again.”
That hurt me even more, and I replied: “You want to become my future flashbacks after doing all this?”
After that, she stopped replying.
Another thing that confuses me is that throughout our relationship, whenever the topic of physical intimacy came up, she always used to say she doesn’t like physical stuff and even said she wants to adopt kids in the future.
I genuinely don’t know what to do now. I love her, but I feel deeply hurt and confused. Am I overreacting for feeling betrayed because she hid this for so long, or am I justified in feeling this way?