What a Time
What a time to be alive, to feel this pain, to feel the hopelessness. I love my best friend and I cant kick it, like a bad drug. It dosent help when he fell asleep in the same bad, or fall asleep on a call together or he tells me tells me im the only persons he calls every day, what does a person do but fall deeper my friends tell me I should set boundaries and I agree but you cant tell and addict to just say no when its given for free, so I fall deeper and deeper. Im tired or relying on his responses, tired of being wrapper around his finger. Ive learned i have terrible anxious attachment disorder and I've been working on it but it suuuucks, this guy told me he was a bad day and we would call ma later now hes ignoring me and turned off his location he shared with me, im freaking out internally, like I told him I would be here for him, was that to far? I know I'm not entitled to his attention or location but the switch was out of no where like, what happened, talk to me, I can see he looked at my text so why, why do I care, like fml, I need to stop being a baby and live for myself, but what ever ig. Forgot to add being this man's best friend means I get to hear about this girls hes into and I just gotta nod along and encourage him to ask her out, like he says all the things I think about him, hes wondering if a a full face Pic on snap is flirting, thought the same thing, she snaps and he tells me he has to wait so he dosnt look desperate, man weird how I always wait 2 minutes before I open your snaps, wow a double snap she must like me, crazy how I get so excited when you double snap me. we talk so often about what we want in a relationship and we are so honestly perfect for each other if we weren't separated by gender and its agonizing, he wants someone to just lay on his lap while he plays with her hair, crazy how my dream is even before meeting this guy is just laying on someone's lap while watching a movie, like we line up so well but frick me life says cause its just gotta be so perfect but that last little piece, hateful really
Sorry this was everywhere just need my thoughts out in the world, what a time to be alive, what a time to thrive