Hey everyone, Im new here. I wanted to share my situation within the whole MBTI context.
Just saying already, im 21 yo and i was diagnosed with asperger years ago. I always had friends and never had any problem in getting friends, but somehow i still lack of experience to socialize and i will explain that later.
I’ve come to the conclusion that probably im ENTP. For a long time I thought being introverted, and years ago when I took the 16 personalities test, I got INTP. But after searching more about cognitive functions and trying to analyze myself more, I ended up with NeTiFeSi, which fits ENTP.
At first it felt strange to see myself as extroverted, but the more I saw, the more I related. Especially some things I thought that were unique to me, like having suddenly brainstorms, imaginary debates when Im alone and speaking like with an imaginary opponent, and enjoying looking at different points of view even when I disagree with them.
Even so, I was still unsure about being extroverted. I asked friends and got mixed answers. Some see me as introverted, others as extroverted, more introverts answers than extroverts. Right now I feel like I’m somewhere in between.
Then I started questioning if what I thought was introversion was actually something else. I do like socializing, especially with friends, and I dont feel drained by it. But with people I dont know, I become much more closed off.
I realized I have real difficulties with socializing because of my lack of "social understanding". I often feel like I cant express myself properly and also dont fully understand other people. I want to socialize, its something I genuinely want, but I struggle with basic social situations. That makes me feel stupid and increases my anxiety, which I’ve had for years.
I’ve even reached a point where just thinking about talking to someone I don’t know makes my chest hurt and forces me to take deep breaths. It has affected my self-esteem quite a lot.
At the same time, it feels weird to relate so much to ENTP while not doing well socially in general.
Something that really summarizes how I feel is this. I like talking, I like going out and being around people. Its not like I want to avoid it. But at the same time, I always feel like something is wrong when I do it, like I’m behaving the wrong way socially, even if I don’t know exactly what Im doing wrong.
I like going out with my friends. I even prefer that over just staying at someone’s house. I like talking to people, but I feel like I’ll be judged for everything, so even saying “hi” can be hard.
I like being the center of attention, but only with people I know. With strangers I freeze. I also feel more comfortable kind of “playing a character” instead of being fully genuine.
I’m very sarcastic, but I struggle to recognize sarcasm from other people. It feels like a contradiction, but thats honestly how I am.
I understand this might not be introversion, but rather anxiety and maybe shyness. Id like to know if anyone else relates to this and how you deal with it.
I’ve also been wondering about autism, mainly because of the difficulty in reading the room and understanding social signals.
Another thing I find ironic is that people say ENTPs are good at flirting, but I’m terrible at it. I never had much interest in romance until later, and I’ve missed situations simply because I didn’t realize someone liked me.
For example, a girl once told me “you looked really good today” and I just said “thanks, i was fine asf” I only realized what happened later, and I still get made fun of for it. Im really slow to "read the ambient"
Maybe I’ll write more later, but for now I just wanted to open up and see what others think, especially if someone has gone through something similar.
Honestly, I never thought Id be this open with strangers on the internet. I usually share everything with my friends, but this is something I dont like exposing.
Anyway, feel free to be honest about what you think and what I could improve.