Hello, this feels like a silly request after reading some of the other recent posts. If you're one of the people who have been hurting recently and have come across this post, I've prayed for you in advance. My faith is very small, so I don't like to ask much when I pray for others. I've prayed that something nice happen in your day tomorrow. I don't think it will be much, but I hope that it will happen regardless.
I used to have a much stronger faith, my parents both have been very involved in the church. After a recent change in my life, I've found myself doubting God. my trust in God has been dwindling, and i find it difficult to hold on. I know that pain and hurting is relative, but objectively, I'm still quite well off even without it. Many people, if they woke up in my shoes, would find it quite pleasant, and I think most people would be more grateful than how i'm acting currently.
Initially I was hoping that like Joseph, God would could use the pain and hurt to make it something wonderful, but it's been six months of this and I feel no better. It feels like the entire event was manufactured just so that it could be taken away from me. What I was hoping would make me whole has only ended with me feeling bitter and angry all the time. I keep making up insane plans and requests in an attempt to force God out of silence. It's blasphemous, Audacious and wrong. I feel selfish, arrogant and as though I'm unrightfully placing myself as a victim for something I've done to myself. Because of my rebellion and angst, I think that if i were to die soon, I wouldn't arrive to heaven. all I feel is regret.
There's something that I've been praying for recently, but I'm having trouble discerning what my heart wants and God's will. It's been causing me some strife. It's been like this for the last six months. to limit any false positives, I've tried to remain somewhat vague. For this prayer request specifically, I have a loose confirmation in my mind. Could you pray for discernment of spirits for me? if anyone feels they have a specific word or image for me, please share it, otherwise, I just need prayer for God to break and false hope that isn't from Him. (or that I stop resisting Him. that'd be fine too.)
I'm relatively new to reddit, and this is a burner account, so I'm not sure you'd be able to directly message me (although it'd be preferred.)
Thanks