Asking for a friend (myself)
Backstory: My therapist mentioned that I could have OCD about 4 months ago which kickstarted extensive research since then. We've revisited the topic as i've brought up my confusion around me potentially having OCD. Now I feel out of control.
I have intrusive thoughts and images of self harm and suicide, feeling physical pain when thinking about self harm, fears of sexually abusing my younger sister, thinking about sexual things with opposite gender as a lesbian, checking reddit/YouTube/researching for certainty, asking therapist for certainty, avoiding silverware at home and in public (only using plastic and straws) thinking food will make me throw up so I can only eat certain foods in public, thinking I’m making things up (my diagnoses), not being able to shower and wash hands, fears of peeing self -> going to the bathroom FREQUENTLY and making sure theres a bathroom near by. I would never sit on a public toilet and if i accidentally do it creates a lot of anxiety and fear that I contracted an STD. I cannot go to the gyno due to avoidance of finding out I have an STD or cervical cancer. I have anxiety about starting new medications cause I believe I will have horrific symptoms or die. Paranoia and images about people hurting me. Trying not to upset people and overthinking all interactions. Having nightmares with these themes. I'm VERY INDECISIVE. Thinking and spiraling about everything and anything clearly...
For example today: I had gotten a pack of skittles from an uber driver and I ate one but then convinced myself they were weed skittles so i immediately stopped eating them. But then I thought what if I was just trying to prove to myself that I have OCD by thinking that and not eating them.
I have CPTSD (physical,emotional, and sexual abuse) and I don't know if this is just symptoms of that or actually just OCD. I'm kinda freaking out and I called 988 for support but i dont know what to think. Is this just cognitive bias???