Dear Reddit,
Someone please take my furry monster away. Let him explore the appalachians, roam the dessert, anywhere but here.
He's developed a personal vendetta against my sleep schedule. Exactly at 3:18AM he decides it's time to do knead on my half asleep body. The first few nights, I thought something was wrong with her. By night five, I realized something was wrong with me for continuing to tolerate this behavior without negotiating some kind of treaty.
Things escalated when he discovered my work-from-home setup. Oliver apparently decided my keyboard was the most important piece of real estate in the house. The moment I opened my laptop, he would materialize out of nowhere, sit directly on the keys, and stare at me like he was the one with deadlines.
I'm done. Send a shrink.