u/Express-Bed5280

I (late 30s M) recently started as a night guard at a place where everything literally comes to life after dark. I’ve got a giant skeleton that wants to play fetch and tiny historical figures who keep trying to go to war.

The rules are strict, if anyone stays outside past sunrise, they turn to dust. Because of this, I have to be the mean parent, locking doors and keeping everyone contained. Now, the whole group thinks I’m a buzzkill, and my son thinks my job is a total bore.

I’m just trying to keep them from literally crumbling, but they just want to party.

Am I The Jerk?

>!Answer: Larry Daley from Night at the Museum.!<

I (late 20s M) have a very successful career being really, really, ridiculously good looking. Recently, I had a career setback, so I went home to join my dad and brothers in the coal mines to prove I’m more than just a model.

I lasted one day. The coal dust was a nightmare for my skin, and the work was way too gritty. My dad called me a disgrace to the family, but I honestly feel like my face is too valuable to be covered in soot. I left to go back to the runway.

Am I The Jerk?

>!Answer: Derek Zoolander!<

I (M) am a very cool, very solitary hero who works strictly alone. There’s this guy who is constantly trying to make us a thing. He’s convinced we have a special bond and that he’s the most important person in my life.

Recently, he got all emotional and tried to get me to admit he’s my number one. I told him the truth. I don’t do special. I told him I’m a free agent, I’m seeing other people, and he means absolutely nothing to me.

He actually started crying. Now my butler is lecturing me about my fear of intimacy, and the orphan I accidentally adopted won't stop trying to hug me.

Am I The Jerk?

>!Answer: Lego Batman!<

I (early 20s, M) left home to make money so I could marry my girlfriend. My ship was attacked by pirates, and everyone assumed I was dead. I spent five years working my way back to her, eventually taking over as the pirate captain.

When I finally found her, she was engaged to a prince. Instead of revealing myself, I stayed in my mask and secret identity. I actually criticized her for moving on and made her feel guilty about not mourning her true love (me) long enough. I even let her think I was a dangerous stranger just to see if she still cared about the person I used to be.

I didn't reveal the truth until we were mid argument and tumbling down a hill. She’s happy I’m alive, but I basically spent the whole day gaslighting her for a dramatic reveal.

Am I The Jerk?

Answer: >!Westley from Princess Bride!<

I (38, M) spent over a decade mentoring my best friend (22, M) We were more than partners, we were family. I looked out for him, taught him everything I knew, and always believed he was destined for greatness.

Recently, he started listening to a bad influence, a manipulative older man who promised him things I couldn't. This man twisted my friend's mind, making him believe that our principles were holding him back. Eventually, he betrayed everything we stood for and turned on our entire group.

I tracked him down to try and talk sense into him, but he wouldn't listen. He was full of anger and even accused me of holding him back. He attacked me, and I was forced to defend myself. It ended with me having to walk away from him in a very bad situation because he refused to stop. I told him he was like a brother to me and that I was heartbroken, but he just shouted how much he hated me.

Now I’m in hiding, wondering if I failed him as a teacher or if he was always going to make those choices regardless of what I did.

Am I The Jerk?

Answer: >!Obi-wan Kenobi in Revenge of the Sith!<

I (M) have a talent that I can’t exactly go public with. Let's just say the industry I’m passionate about isn't exactly open to someone of my background.

I met this guy who was failing at his job. We struck a secret deal, I’d be the brains and the skill, and he’d be the face. I literally spent every night teaching him, guiding his every move, and making him a star. Thanks to me, he went from a literal nobody to the talk of the city.

The problem? The guy started believing his own hype. He got a bit of fame and a girlfriend, and suddenly he was embarrassed of me. He started treating me like a dirty secret rather than the person who built his career. When I stood up for myself, he snapped, called me asmall part of the operation, and kicked me out.

Now, he’s facing a massive professional make or break moment and realized he’s completely incompetent without me. He’s asking for my help again, but I’m wondering if I should just let him fail since he’s so ashamed of who I am.

Am I The Jerk?

Answer : >!Remy From Ratatouille!<

I (33,M) am a pretty well known athlete, and my best friend (54, M) has always been part of my team. He’s loyal, but he’s also kind of goofy and doesn’t really fit into the professional world I’m in now.

I got invited to this huge international event with a bunch of elite competitors, and my friend came with me. Almost immediately people started judging him, and honestly I got embarrassed too. At one point he caused a scene at a party and later accidentally disrupted something important during the competition.

I snapped at him and told him maybe he should just go home because he was making me look bad. He actually did leave, but later I found out he’d been dealing with something way bigger and genuinely dangerous the entire time while still trying to help me.

Now I feel awful because he was just being himself and trying to support me, while I acted like a jerk because I cared too much about my image. Am I the Jerk?

Answer: >!Lightning Mcqueen In Cars 2!<