u/Expensive_Donut_8463

I have a few questions, i just started T myself and i would like to know more

There's one person who never tried to make an effort and call me by the short nickname from my deadname that i chose for my parents not to complain that im being too much if i tell them to call me my my preferred name , for more clarity that nickname still make me feel dysphoric but i tried to make it easier for them .

My father is the only one who keeps deadnaming me , and only puts on a show and calls me by that nickname only when hes trying to show that hes a supporting father when his sister who is quite ok calls

It feels like a knife every time that i hear my deadname and more if it is someone from my family.

My mom , sister and gf are the only one that really supports me , and i still feel like I don't want to exist anymore, why does it hurt so much ?

I have been in depression for more than my teenage years , even to certain points got on meds , had self har*ed episodes , intense breakdowns and he has seen all of it , why doesn't he care and why does it hurt so much ?