Hi guys, I came on here really needing advice with what I should do with the fact that I am an unconscious liar who lies all the time. It started when I was really young when I would hide food around the house if I wasn’t able to finish it since I was scared of my parents getting mad at me or my mom telling me not to tell my dad what we bought from the mall. Overtime it grew into a habit that i literally have never second guessed until now that I’m 18.
I know that I use it as a way to protect myself. Im someone who’s terrified of confrontation or the people around me being mad at me. But I know deep down that I’m too comfortable with lying and i feel like bawling my eyes out thinking about it in an Islamic pretence. I’m so deluded in my lies that my thoughts, memories and experiences have been shifted around my lies. I’m someone who daydreams constantly, always stuck in my own mind, so when it mixes into the story plots I create in my head all of my lies bubble up and I can’t tell reality apart from things that aren’t true. I even do the same thing with my dreams.
Today, my dad asked me why I didn’t come downstairs after my online class and I told him it was because I was studying which wasn’t true since I was on my phone the whole time, he didn’t take me seriously and when I tell you that I felt so hurt at the fact he didn’t believe me because in my heart I believe it.
I want to become better, to genuinely feel guilty about lying since I know it’s a sin in Islam.