u/Exotic-Sock3178

it’s now been about a month since a text from my ubpd mom sent me a text that really upset me and prompted me to let her know that I was dealing with working through all the trauma and had anger about her being in contact with my blocked narc ex while simultaneously dealing with the death of my furry bff just a month prior and that I needed space to work through it all…
to which she has not even acknowledged, tried to reach out with a few weird texts over the next weeks and then I blocked her number for the last week.
I went to see her on mother’s day with my sis, probably out of guilt mostly and maybe to try to ease the awful feelings i’ve had since no contact for the first time.
trying to change my role, trying to protect myself and also really letting her know my feelings for the first time.
on mother’s day, after not seeing me for a month she acted cold.
she really didn’t put forth much effort at all, not surprisingly.
but now i’m left with, and now what?
just keep going in this not texting mode, taking space, trying to heal through the trauma (working in therapy and EMDR)
I feel so disappointed she hasn’t even acknowledged at what I’m upset with her over, even my sis has told her twice.
that part hurts but I don’t have expectations it would be different.
I don’t not want to go over there to the house cause then I won’t see my dad.
but I really pay the price when I do, I have felt so sick since Sunday.
any feedback would be appreciated.
this place has been so helpful in not feeling so alone.
but this whole thing has been so hard to deal with i’m having days where I think I need to check into a hospital, the depression is not getting better.
i have so much going on in my own life with needing some procedures and tests done again, kind of been an ongoing thing (I’ve had a cancer experience), so I am just pushed to the edge, overwhelmed.

after nearly a month of me having no contact with my mother after I told her I was upset by some things and needed space to work through it (even blocking her number for the last week)- I decided to go by the house, haven’t been since Easter.
and luckily my sis came with me, that helped.
gave mom a card and the whole thing was hard to do but am glad I got past it cause it’s certainly been a lot of impending anxiety.
she really didn’t engage much and no mention of anything, not to be expected.
but it’s all certainly left me feeling a bit sad and just never knowing how to navigate this relationship.
my parents are both so detached.
so I guess I feel some relief that it’s over, I’m home and resting before I have to work tonight.
I am going to try to do something nice for myself tomorrow.
wondering how everyone else is doing today, big hugs.