I don’t even know where to start, but I just need to get this out somewhere.
I’m 20 years old. First child to my mom. No dad. Two younger siblings who depend on me for everything. Where I come from, that’s not just a title it’s a responsibility you don’t get to run from. So every day, no matter how tired I am, I carry it.
There was a time I didn’t even have a place to stay. I slept outside a mosque for months. You learn a lot about yourself when life gets that quiet and that hard. You also realize very quickly that nobody is coming to save you
you either keep going or you fall behind and take everyone depending on you with you.
Right now I work in construction. Long hours, harsh conditions, living in a camp. Some days your body gives up before your mind does. Other days it’s the opposite. I’ve had nights where I couldn’t even sleep because of pain in my eyes from welding, but the next morning you still have to wake up and go again like nothing happened. Because stopping isn’t an option when people are counting on you.
The work situation isn’t even stable. Salaries get deducted for no clear reason. Passports get held back from workers. I’ve seen it happen around me constantly. Luckily I still have mine, but just being in that environment tells you how uncertain everything is.
I’m barely surviving financially. Everything I earn isn’t really mine it goes back home. Food, school, basic needs. There’s no room to breathe, no safety net, no “take a break and figure things out.” It’s just constant pressure.
But through all of this, I’ve been chasing football seriously. Not as a hobby this is the one thing I truly believe can change my life and my family’s life. I’ve been reaching out to clubs, sending videos, trying to get trials, trying to find a way into something real. Sometimes I get responses, most times I get ignored. You start questioning yourself, your level, your timing… everything.
I’ve looked into different countries, different paths, different opportunities. Some fall through, some don’t make sense financially, some just feel like risks I can’t afford to take. And time keeps moving. That’s the part that gets to me the most you feel like you can’t waste a single year, but at the same time you’re stuck in a place where progress is slow.
On top of that, there’s the mental side. The pressure, the expectations, the moments where confidence drops and you start wondering if you’re chasing something that might never happen. But even with all that, I keep going. I have to.
Because for me, this isn’t just about “making it” in football. It’s about changing everything. It’s about giving my family a different life. It’s about proving to myself that where you start doesn’t have to decide where you end.
I don’t really talk about this in real life. I just handle it. But yeah… this is what it looks like behind the scenes.