Girl has ghosted me for 4 days after what can only be described as a self sabotage
first time posting on here so excuse me if I waffle on...
I met a girl at the very beginning of march and we spoke for a good month, went on dates every weekend and seemed to be getting on very well!
all of a sudden she felt conflicted and backed away as she wasn't sure about her feelings.
to which I said "that's fine no worries"
after a week she came back around and apologised, so we carried on having a good time! and she then told me she had feelings for me, which was great as I also had feelings for her.
around the same time of month, she said similar things to before. so I was a bit confused this time as she stated she was sorry before and did have feelings. anyway, I gave her space for a week, did my own thing, and boom... she came back! saying sorry again and doubling down on her feelings, i was sceptical at first but got sucked up in them and, again... had a great month!
i met her mother and we got on well, she told her friends about me and things were going good!
( she has had a bad time in the past with mean ex partners so was always playfully asking "are you friendly?" )
anyway...we went on a trip together this past weekend and ( at the exact same time of month ) she freaked out, but this time, in person... she had big wide eyes in my car saying that I was scaring her!!! ( we were just listening to music and driving with some coffee! i didn't know how to react to it! I stopped the car and asked her if she would like to turn around and go home, she said no, and then spent a lot of time asking who I was!? its like she completely flipped and it felt like I was in the car with a different person.
we arrived and had a nice time setting up, we went for a walk and out of nowhere again she started getting very irrational and argumentative. I stayed calm and soft to ask her what was happening as I know she's had a tough time in the past and I always bear that in mind when I'm with her. she always says she likes how I don't shout at her and she values my calm energy.
but this instance she would start picking at me, nothing i said to try and calm her was working, it's like she was self sabotaging our holiday and it continued for 3 days on and off. i felt drained and upset that the sweet girl i met was turning into something I've never experienced before...
we got home and had a nice evening with some dinner and she seemed to have calmed down.
only to wake up in the middle of the night, i woke up to find her sitting up in bed and i asked if she was okay? and she then came at me for asking and why i kept starting arguments!
in the morning she was similar and i saw a look in her eyes that id never seen before, it scared me! she was talking in a different tone and being very critical and kept interrupting me, so I stopped talking and just let her tell me i have anger issues! ( which i don't ) i didn't display an ounce of anger during the whole trip and it really upset me deep down to have her think this of me and almost try and FORCE me to say I did.
( I think she's trying to search for what she's scared of from her past maybe )
anyway i offered to scrap the plans we had for that day and offered to take her home. she wouldn't let me help her with her bags, grilled me with nit picky remarks the whole way to hers, apart from the very end when she asked if i was hungry, or wanted coffee, it seemed like she was starting to come around but i declined very nicely and wanted to go, i gave her a hug goodbye and she wouldn't look at me, so we said goodbye and left.
its been 4 days now and i haven't heard from her, i text her 2 short non pressured messages since just asking if she got home okay, and another asking if she was alright. I'm not going to contact her further until she says somthing. if anything..
one thing that scares me is that during all of this there's been a sense of hopelessness from her and some rather dark comments about life in general...
i don't know if this is PMS/PMDD related due to her acting different at the exact same time on every month so far and normalising when her period comes, Trauma, or what...
part of me would love to see her again so i could ask her about things a bit deeper. and part of me would take never seeing her again at the price of just knowing she's okay at least.
but as it stands i have no way to know what's going on... I'm worried about her.
thanks for reading all of that, I'm not sure what I'm looking for i think i just needed to vent.