u/Exciting-Highway2128

I visited my long distance boyfriend in Michigan for the first time in February from England after meeting online and talking on and off for a few years (his job and working away a lot made it difficult for us to meet before this).

The first time I flew into Philadelphia and was interrogated for hours, accused of escorting. After 2 hours of interrogation, a belongings search and a phone search, they admitted me into the country. I spent 10 days there and flew home on the day of my booked return flight.

The plan after that was for us to not see each other again until the summer however I am a social worker turned private nanny and the family that I work for informed me when I got back in March that they were going away on holiday for 2 weeks over Easter and we’ve always had a great relationship and the agreement has always been that I can take as much time off as I want within reason but I don’t get paid for it and if they ever go on any trips I don’t get paid so rather than sit at home for 2 weeks unpaid, I decided to fly out again to visit him at the beginning of April for 2 weeks.

This time I flew into Detroit direct and again was pulled into secondary and interrogated for just over an hour. This time they steered away from the escorting/working accusations and was very interested in our relationship and making sure that I wasn’t planning on overstaying. Again, I answered all of their questions and had all of my documentation ready and was admitted into the country and left on the day of my booked return flight.

Both times I had a copy of my tenancy agreement for my flat, my return flight, a letter from my employer confirming that I work for them and my return to work date and I also had lots of messages available to show the officers that included me discussing the trip with my employer beforehand, messages between myself and my family and my friends talking about my trip and when I will be back, proof of funds showing that I’m able to support myself on my trip, work invoices from the past 18 months, my government DBS check to show that I used to work in children’s social care, all of the information about my boyfriend, his house, our relationship, pictures of us etc, his job and his employer.

The officer in Detroit was a lot friendlier than the one in Philadelphia and when he told me that I was free to go he did say to me I’m just going to make you aware that given the circumstances you need to prepare yourself to be pulled into secondary every single time you come and visit especially with your job (I’m guessing because being a self employed nanny does raise suspicious as it isn’t something that they can exactly verify) and I said to him is there anything else that I can bring with me in the future on future trips to help my case and he said no you have everything with you that we could ask for however he did make comments about me being ‘dolled up’ as I had done my hair and make up on the plane as my boyfriend was picking me up and I wanted to look nice for him so I will definitely this time make sure that I look as plain as can be.

My next trip is booked for the beginning of June and this time I will be staying for 6 weeks. I have messages between myself and the family that I work for explaining that I want to go to Michigan for a chunk of time in the summer and us discussing dates and talking about what dates would work best for them, I also have a concert booked for the end of July that I’ve paid a lot of money for so I’m going to keep those concert tickets on my phone hoping that will help my case as just an extra reason to come back home. Again I will bring everything that I took with me last time, I’m just filled with so much anxiety because of what’s happened previously and because the trip in April wasn’t planned, I know that 3 trips in 4 months doesn’t look the best but the first trip was only for 10 days, I was then out of the country for 4 weeks, the second trip was for 2 weeks and I would’ve been out of the country for over 7 weeks before returning and after this summer I won’t be returning until October. Do you think that this will go against me or do you think that it will actually help me? Them being able to see that I have entered twice before yes but I’ve also left exactly when I said I would be.

Does anybody else have any tips or suggestions or positive stories that can help ease my anxiety? This time I’m flying into Boston and I haven’t heard great things about the officers there :(

My boyfriend and I have been on and off long distance for the last 5 years. We met for the first time in February when I went over to visit him for 10 days. I flew into Philadelphia and I had the worst experience of my life with the customs officers there. I felt so vulnerable and humiliated, the way they spoke to me was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life, they interrogated me for hours, they searched my suitcase not even in a private room and had intimate items just out on the counter for everybody to see, they asked me lots of questions pertaining to being an escort, made lots of comments about my appearance because I had done my make up and put a nice outfit on on the plane because I was being picked up by my boyfriend and meeting him for the first time, it was just an awful experience and I completely understand that as a young female (27) travelling alone who is quite glamorous, it could raise suspicion especially being self-employed but the way they treated me was honestly despicable and I genuinely almost had a panic attack which I have never experienced before. I was genuinely convinced that they were not going to let me in to the country but they then asked if they could check my phone which I said absolutely I’ve got nothing to hide and within 10 minutes of looking through my phone they said you’re free to go so clearly they must’ve been able to see that everything I said was true.

I am very lucky that I am self employed and I am a private nanny to some very well off families in my area so I am paid extremely well and although I am not paid for time off, the families I work for are very understanding of my situation and are more than happy to approve time off, I just don’t get paid for it but because I am paid very well I can afford to take time off so my plan was to go back to visit him at the end of April and then go back over there in July for a longer period of time in the summer however one of my nanny families told me mid March that they were going away for 2 weeks over Easter so I wouldn’t be working and I wouldn’t be getting paid so it made a lot more sense for me to fly out to visit him the same time that they were on a trip so that I wasn’t going 4 weeks without pay. I went for 2 weeks.

This time I flew directly into Detroit and I had prepared myself for secondary screening again but hoping it would be easier this time because I would be able to show pictures on the last trip with my boyfriend as well as proving that I left the country when I said that I was going to the first time. I did get pulled into secondary, the customs officer was a lot friendlier but I was still interrogated for almost 2 hours and just before I was told I was free to go the customs officer actually said to me, especially with you being self employed, be prepared for this to happen to you every single time in secondary.

I have now booked my flight to go out to see him again on the 5th of June and this time I’m going out for 6 weeks to spend an extended period of time together to see what it would really be like living together before we make any long term plans for the future. This time I am flying into Boston. Does anybody have any experience with the immigration officers in Boston? I feel like I’m genuinely traumatised from that very first experience and even the second time that I went to visit him, the officer was a lot nicer and friendlier but it is still so nerve racking being in a situation like that knowing that they are hanging on your every word and watching your every move so I’m just trying to prepare myself, especially because I’m going for a longer period this time I feel like they are definitely going to pull me into secondary again.

Every time I have flown, I have always been able to show messages between myself and my nanny families talking about me going away and the date that I’m due back to work, I live alone in my own apartment so I have always had a copy of my tenancy agreement on hand and I’ve had my return flight to show them? Is there anything else that you would suggest I bring with me?