A Rant: My Journey, Giving Advice, and Asking for Advice -- Long Read
Burner account because I'm paranoid. I'm (30s, USA) a long time lurker of this subreddit and joined several years ago before I ever thought about getting my license. Fast forward a few years and due to intense boredom, a random spurt of insane self-confidence and deep resentment that my life was limited by my ability to drive and go other places whenever I wanted, I signed up for driving school, got my hours, took my test, and got my license. It was an incredible feeling. Especially as an person who is older than 16.5. I couldn't believe it. I shared the news with family who celebrated with me but of course wanted me to maintain my progress by driving more consistently. They very generously gave me car which I wouldn'tve been able to afford without financing were I to try to do it on my own. I am incredibly grateful for their patience, support, and encouragement.
I've had the car 3 years and can count on 2 hands how many times I've driven it and can count on even fewer hands how many times I've been behind the wheel on my own, without anyone there to "help" me. I feel an incredible amount of shame over this and I think that's justified (please don't say its not). The first stretch of time started in year 1 when I was literally too scared to take the car out where I live. It's a city with heavy traffic and angry drivers. The car sat and the battery died. I didn't know what to do. I should've called AAA, but I just felt intimidated or ashamed. I ultimately called my driving instructor who told me that he'd be happy to help navigate maintenance issues since he knew that I was doing this all on my own. I signed up for lessons so the man knew I'd pay him for his effort and because I really truly needed to get behind the wheel again. He came by and tried starting my battery which was dead-dead. Amount of time hooked up to a donor battery was going to jump it. He removed my dead battery, put me behind the wheel of the learner car and we drove to AutoZone where I bought a new battery that he very kindly installed it. This time I resolved to not let the battery die like that. After my handful of additional lessons (during which time I did my state and safety inspections, thank the Lord), I *naively* thought that if I just sat in the car and ran it, it would keep the battery alive. Well, from 2-3 that's what I did.
And here's what I wish I knew: Driving is just the start. Maintenance is a road you drive forever once you have a vehicle. And if you can barely drive, you don't know how to handle maintenance. I don't know how to handle maintenance. It is completely overwhelming. I can't call my old driving instructor anymore as he's out of the business and works a 9-5 with different life now. I haven't told many people about the fact that I even got my license (and thus a car) because I knew I'd deal with some issue that would knock me off and leave me feeling inadequate for asking for rides when I'm supposed to do that on my own now.
Not sure where to put this question and advice as it's meant for people here but describes my current predicament -- here or r/MechanicAdvice but, I did my sit-in-my-car-and-run-it routine last month and upon starting (push-to-start) the car stayed on for maybe 5 minutes before every light turned on and then the car turned off. I gave up. I just gave up. This is too much for me. I'm happy I have my license, but I am not cut out for this. I asked a friend at work for advice who has a lot more driving experience than I do and who has a older model of my car. I thought I'd have to replace the entire alternator, but I don't know the first thing about doing that. My friend mentioned that I might just be dealing with a fuse issue. But guess what? I don't know how to deal with that either. So I'm sitting at my very serious city job googling all sorts of things from "how to use a multimeter" to "concierge car maintenance service" to searching through this website for anyone whose been in the same place. Caring for a car when every part of it overwhelms you is a burden no one prepares you for. How do you as a person with driving anxiety handle things like maintenance? Is it as simple as "just do it"?
My advice for you all: As you all learn to drive -- while you're LEARNING -- find someone you can trust to help you keep up with your car because you worked damn hard to get behind the wheel and dealing with hiccups like this can really annihilate your confidence because they take you out from behind the drivers seat.