u/Excellent_Border7506

Has anyone established exclusive breast feeding at or after 4 months?

This is going to be so long 😩

Hello, currently triple feeding and writing this as I pump….not at all where I thought I’d be 4 months in.

I’ll preface this with saying I love breastfeeding and it was my favorite thing to do my now 4 y/o. We EBF for 2 years. With my first, it was incredibly hard. Took us 3 months to establish BF. I had vasospasms from my child’s insane grip, an overproducer, and just couldn’t figure out how to position my breasts. I have VERY large breasts. But after 3 months of literal hell, we made it and I was so glad we did!!!!! It was the best decision I made and I was so glad to have made it.

I have a 4 month old (just today!) and boy has BF been a fucking rollercoaster. Didn’t think it could be worst than my first but here we are!

Fast forward, I give birth in January at home. Baby has high jaundice levels. Baby is admitted to children’s hospital. Baby’s jaundice is cleared in two days but oh wait, they find they’re having oxygen spells in the high 80s and while another provider discharges us, during shift change we are told we have to stay to be monitored by the new attending. We spend a whole month in the NICU with a healthy full term baby. Just “monitoring.” (Baby just stopped dipping every so often at one month, which apparently is very normal for newborns: immature breathing patterns—but that’s a separate post…)

Anywho, bottles are the thing in the NICU. The slow flow options are actually super fast and we supplement with formula Nc my milk has not come in yet. They allow me to only BF for 10 min at a time bc baby is in the red zone (we were told this once we were transferred to our local hospital, never at the children’s hospital). I begin to pump and lo and behold my supply is super low. I EP for a whole week to boost it and then do combo feeding, although babe would much rather take bottle.

No worries—I say. Once we’re home we will do just boob and try all the tricks to do so.

We come home in month in. And we just do boob, boob, boob. Baby becomes “colic.” We call PCP nurse line OFTEN and they say it’s normal. PCP says babe is gaining weight fine. She is only up a pound at 3 month check-up. Crying inconsolably for hours. PCP still says it’s fine. I decide to work with an IBLC bc I hear she is clicking. IBLC says she has a tie and she has fallen way off her growth curve and also you should change PCPs. My supply is dwindling bc my body regulated to her weakened suction and her inability to transfer milk well. Also, she is not COLIC, she is hungry.

We combo feed and triple feed for two weeks to get her weight up. She gains 3 lbs in this span. She’s the happiest baby alive. Mostly bottle fed, of course.

We release the tie. We get a fancy scale from IBLC. We weigh feeds. She doesn’t get more than 3 oz at a time but I try not to do each feed bc it’s nearly impossible. So maybe sometimes she got 4?

LC says stop doing weighted feeds, it’s stressing you out and probably hurting your supply. I stop. My supply is great. We latch, latch, latch to fight nipple confusion and bottle preference. Lots of skin to skin and all the tips the Internet tells you. WE DO IT. We are EBF!!!!! Baby gains 10 oz in one week EBF. I think to myself, WE MADE IT. We actually made it. IBLC says to just latch her as much as possible as oral strength has improved. No need to pump anymore.

I stop pumping altogether and just latch.

THEN at our next week weigh in—doing only boob again—baby hasn’t gained any weight. I notice she’s fussy, one day inconsolable for 30 min. I try to pump bc I notice she is getting frustrated and pulling my nipple a lot. I only pump 1/2 oz between both boobs. I am drying up. AGAIN. What the fuck.

IBLC says it may be stress or she may just need bottles. Rec is to supplement with at least 2-3 bottles and pump pump to build up supply. I don’t trust my supply so I triple feed. I have been triple feeding since Thursday. My supply is somewhat up. Only supplemented with formula twice.

In the midst of all this, my baby has eczema all over her body. We suspect it’s CMPA. She was having frequent spit ups, reflux, loose watery stools when I ate dairy again after not having any for 2 weeks.

So my question to this community is WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE? What do I do? Am I being insane for thinking we can EBF? Is it even worth it at this point? She is starting solids soon…

Why can’t I just give her formula and be okay? I have a toddler at home and I feel like I’m constantly pumping and worried if my baby is hungry or not. I could try to do weighted feeds again.

I have been miserable for 4 months. The NICU experience was horrible. I have PPD (and a therapist) and I go back to work in July. I want so badly to enjoy my baby and this time but I DREAD IT. When I think we’ve made it, it’s 300 steps back.

I have na appointment with a different IBLC in Wednesday.

Should I not have whit pumping cold turkey? She slept overnight that EBF week and I didn’t get up to pump. 😭 Could that have tanked my supply?

Stopping BF feels like it would make me spiral into worse PPD. The week we were EBF were the best moments.

I am not sure if her oral strength will ever get to where it needs to be.

I don’t know that I can fight nipple confusion/bottle preference one more time.

Why can’t I just latch her and just have the feed be done?! Why is BF so fucking hard?!!!

If you are EP, are the fuck are you doing this? I had to take the pump with me in the car and pump twice while on traffic. Is this my life now?

Constantly trying to convince my body to produce milk has been torture.

Questions? Comments? I’ll take anything at this point.

Someone tell me what to do here 😭😩😖 worst Mother’s Day ever.