Is devta something one needs to be really scared of?
So I come from a Punjabi family and got married into a Kumaoni family two years ago. Had zero knowledge about the whole devta concept back then.
Before marriage, the only concept I had in mind was God = My family, my beloved, my soul, everything. I love him from all my heart and since we're all children of Jagdamba, she'll take care of me.
After wedding, we went to my husband's ancestral village to do puja for Kul devta. Back then I had no knowledge about Devta Puja so I just did as the elders and priest said and thought.. great, so now the family deities might look after me as well, I'm also a new family member after all. I was happy honestly.
But in the last two years, I've kept hearing things like.. how things needs to be done a certain way so that devta naraz na ho. How a lot of rules and rituals need to be followed.
And also how one of the relatives in the family.. how if anyone thinks bad for her, they get punished (she's just a normal woman.. nothing too distinctive about her).
My husband has just visited his village a couple of times since childhood, he tends to even forget his Kuldevta every now and then. Can't blame him.. his life played out in such a manner that he couldn't get deep into his roots.
But all of this has triggered extreme anxiety within me. All the time I have one thought in mind- I am not from this family, one mistake here and there and something may go wrong, devta might get angry on me or what if hell breaks loose.
I'm not able to precisely put into words how I feel but I want liberation from this fear. In the last two years only I've tried to stick to as many rituals or family as possible which even my MIL never cared to do (she always had a bone to pick with her in-laws, so never followed anything, never even engaged with family celebrations).
Can anyone please help me here?