I don't know what to study, who can I Help to
Hi, I need help. I don't know what to study. I know very few people will care, but this is the only place where I can find advice.
Since I was a child I have always loved two things: justice and science. Part of my story is that my parents, historians and archaeologists, instilled that in me and I love it, but they also wanted me in a better place than where I live, so they always supported me in those two areas. I also love cinema, but that's beside the point.
The fact is that as a kid I loved science and especially physics so much that I would read and watch it even if I understood barely more than half of those NASA reports. It wasn't until I was 8 that I fell in love with evolution and biology, but I knew that money was something to prioritize. I wanted to be a forensic scientist because of CSI, but that didn't work out either — it was almost 15 years of study and honestly I didn't even think I'd live to the age I am now. But physics and astronomy were always there calling to me, just as much as law. I hated lawyers, but seeing people get what they deserved — both good and bad — was comforting. Understanding that the environment must be protected at all costs from humans and their uncontrolled evolution was equally important to me.
But a scientist can't do that, much less a lawyer. The only way to secure a high income and make change at the root level was through three paths: contacts, which I don't have lol, market ownership, which I also don't have lol, but politics is the way one climbs fastest and with some luck — and it's the way to change things for everyone, at least in a country. That's not enough for me, but I'd rather do that little bit of good. By the time I was 12 I decided to give up science and chose to improve and build skills I didn't have for politics and economics. I already knew I was going to study with full dedication: Politics, Philosophy and Economics, or Economic Geopolitics — there's not much difference.
I decided to take the IB DP and already started my courses; if I change them it has to be now. And the problem is that Senku from Dr. Stone and Amestris II made me realize I still have a natural ability to understand that kind of thing. I thought I had lost it — in physics or chemistry class I got very average grades because, honestly, I did nothing. Nothing means nothing. I already had a goal: go to a good university in Europe and get the contacts and power necessary to change my country, which I won't mention lol. But Dr. Stone was the push I needed for so long to go back to chemistry and physics. I'm reviewing it and it feels fun, like I'm understanding something beyond anthropology, history or how our world works — but how the real world works, planet Earth. Obviously paleontology and more already helped me enjoy it further, but it's such a beautiful feeling that I want to keep it.
The problem is I don't know whether to switch from ESS — an easy course but with a very bad exam format, my school's highest score has been a 5/7, and I need a 7, or at least a 6 — or take Physics instead. Physics is more complex, the graphs are genuinely ugly, but a 16/60 gives you a 4, meaning that with a 25 or 30 I could already get a 7. I have a lot of faith that I can do it because my school's average is high — a 5 in Physics is very good — and I know I'll do more. But it's complex, and I have to secure my future before just 2 years in school.
Also, as an elective I'm taking Business, which is essentially the same as Management. But I could take Chemistry instead — everyone tells me to think it through carefully, but that I'd do well because if I enjoy it I won't fail. I want to do it, I really want to. But Management is a course where getting a high grade is very easy, practically a gift. But I love Chemistry even though I know it will be incredibly hard in Grade 11. The graduating class didn't even finish the syllabus. I'm scared.
Of my future, and of the fact that if I don't do well in my courses, many people and animals could be left vulnerable without support to rescue them or at least build the foundations for it. I'm planning to apply to universities in the US with essays explaining this in more depth — and they accept that kind of thing anyway — but that's the essence of it. If I stay with ESS and Management I don't know if I'll get such high grades, but they're safe, a comfort zone I can hold onto — though ultimately boring. And Physics and Chemistry are naturally difficult and visually ugly. But when I look at them my relationship is love-hate.
I don't know if I'll be able to get high enough grades — I did nothing the previous year, and without a track record of my grades in those courses, I don't know how I could get in anywhere. I'm genuinely scared. My friends have opinions too but I don't want to choose based on them — I want to choose based on the broader social effect that a single grade can have on studying somewhere better and making more people and animals live well. My ultimate goal is that, regardless of the means: the wellbeing of the Amazon and the populations of my country. But I also want to hold onto that scientific side of me. Because if I don't get in, I'll apply to natural sciences at other universities — it pays well and starts from scratch, I'll figure it out. But that's it. Help, I don't know whether to switch courses or not lol.