reflection on public and private, and temptations
greetings to you, beloved reader of these words. i hope they find you in a state of courage, of good hope in our God Who is rich in mercy. and if not, may the Lord encourage you, friend, Who ever hastens to the side of the broken-hearted. the prodigal child, whom we all are, is received with unconceivably great joy by the Most Holy Trinity and by all of Heaven when He sees us coming to Him from afar, and immediately He runs to us and embraces us.
what i write, i write to myself foremost to encourage myself, and maybe you will find solace in knowing youre not alone in the struggle. may it be according to the will of the Lord for us, Whose will is that none of us should perish but live in Him, according to the Truth, Who He Is. Glory to Him!
now, let us reflect together, dear one, on what our All-Comely Christ, His Most Pure Mother, His Prophets, His Apostles, His Saints, and our spiritual fathers have taught us. may God grow within us fruits of repentance by our communal adoration in the Liturgy, our contemplation and praise of His goodness, and the recognition of our barrenness without Him.
there is a public prayer, and there is a private prayer. a communal prayer, and a prayer in solitude. both are to be guided by the Spirit of Truth, and if they are, they lead to union with Most Holy Trinity.
the two kinds of prayer go together, and urge each other forward; two legs walking toward the same destination. if the one is stilled, the other is halted from going forward. when we try to move forward without the other, our whole body limps with the unnatural process. we can suffer injury in this way, when something is in our path that we cannot pass without both legs and we try to do so anyway.
by this i mean that one can fall into despondency and into vainglory; ultimately into pride and self-sufficiency. i say this as one who has been limping alone in self-will, the love of pleasures, and of entertainment; one without the grace of the Mysteries, and who hopes to return Home to receive them.
similar to these two kinds of prayer, there are true things that lead to Christ which are to be shared with all, and things which are true but are meant solely for us. there are truths which are taught to all by the Divine Liturgy, by the writings of the Saints and the Scriptures, by our spiritual father and others after being made a member of the Body of Christ, and in Cathechism.
there are also honest perceptions of one's self in the Light of God. the universally true things we share openly align with and are contained within the Creed.
the aspiring lover of Christ is enlivened at the hearing of the Faith, and echoes every syllable of the Creed with joy in the Holy Spirit. they are granted grace to till the earth of their being, upheave the stones, remove the thorns and thistles, and become fertile ground for the good seed. they plant it through going to the Services and it is planted in them by God through His Spirit, as well as His servants; they water it with tears and it is watered in them by God and His servants: but God alone gives the increase.
that increase is love for Him and the rest of creation, increase in grace to resist temptation, increase in compassion for others and a mortification of judgment of others, increase in patient, grateful endurance, and increase in our likeness to Christ through the Spirit.
the work of Salvation is God through man, and man through God Who became man. it is with blood, with great struggle against one's self will, through the Mysteries, repentance, obedience and surrender that we obtain the gift of grace. through emptying ourselves of ourselves, through being filled and fueled by His mercy that we obtain mercy from God to us and from us to others as a gift.
a seed planted in good soil brings forth the same kind of plant, and it is that way with all things pertaining to God and the whole of His creation. it is not transactional, but restoration of relationship, of communion and their counterparts; of natural growth and contra-natural growth. all that is good is made possible by God out of His endless philanthropy, and all that is otherwise is our doing, and that of the little tricksters.
again, let us examine together: it is always good to share to one with a heart willing to come to Christ that He came into the world to Save sinners, of whom i,(the speaker,) am foremost. it is good, when God reveals to us that the time is right, to share the Truth and let Him plant a seed through our sharing of the Faith.
but the words of one's own humiliation before God, spoken from the depths with tears and sighs, are not always good to share. it is like making a newspaper article from a heartfelt conversation, it cheapens it and may mislead both the one who does such and the ones receiving such. it is best to keep such things to ourselves with God and our spiritual fathers; but the Lord will show us if it is otherwise, if we are granted such beautiful discernment from Him as a gift.
to one who cares for our soul, our spiritual father, it is good to share the depths of our hearts. our spiritual father is appointed by Divine dispensation, an experienced and loving sojourner, who will not lead us astray. he will receive our groanings and be granted the prescription from the Physician to give us, and we will work out our healing and restoration with gratitude and humility to God.
if we are willing and obedient, as He says, we will eat the good of the land. that is, every good thing comes from the Father of Lights, and He will not allow those who hunger and thirst for His righteousness to be empty of His grace. He is more willing to give than we are to receive.
to one who will resort to praise out of amazement, we should be cautious in sharing our experiences, preventing the seeds of vainglory. it is better, with the upright, with the hungered and thirsting for God, to speak only what is universally accepted, and keep the sharing of our personal experience to a minimum. they will be satisfied with the Truth, and it will also stir up their hunger and thirst further. when they hear the Faith of our Lord they will be in awe at His providence, and that seed will bear fruit if they are willing, when God shall guide them to Himself.
all of this discretion we reflect on together with the guidance of the writings of our Fathers is to dodge the bullets of vainglory and pride. these arrows can come from seemingly beneficial places! the little tricksters are crafty in their methods, but not altogether genius; with God it is easy to overcome them. why?
because with love of God one does not rely on themselves, but humbly surrenders to Him, and He delivers us, showing us the Way; that is, Himself. His grace is sufficient for us, and His power is made perfect in weakness. as long as we keep giving Him our weakness(our obedience,) then He will help us and cooperate with us as much as is needful for our souls to come to know Him in His Spirit.
what is needful for us is to come to God and our neighbours not as a teacher, but as a student. not as a master, but as a servant. not as one worthy of honour and lofty in our thoughts, but as a sibling who trusts his family and the Heavenly Father thereof.
we must be knit together in our hearts with God and our fellow creatures, and our efforts against self-love are necessary for this; our striving against our own will is necessary. by grace, through faith, hope and love, through the Holy Mysteries, God will be all in all. and this is not an easy path, but it is more gladsome and beautiful than the dreariness which the demons desire to drag us into.
we do not doubt the ability of the demons to destroy us when we are careless, or even when we strive with all our strength without God; by no means! when we examine ourselves and see how we have fared without grace in our battles with the demons, we will see that we fell in one way or another, or in many ways, or even in every way possible. therefore, we ought to entrust our weakness to God, Who is able to make us wise as serpents and harmless as doves.
in their love of foolishness, the demons attempt to ensnare us in all kinds of mischief. they are miserable, and they see us human beings as enemies because we bear the Image of the Lord, Whom they despise. they are unable to harm the Creator and they refuse to reconcile with Him, not only having originally chosen to eternally depart from Him but in their pride thinking that they are doing what is right. in their envy and rage, then, they try to harm the Images of the Lord Whom they cannot affect.
and those who love Christ come to love their enemies. they see the misery of the demons and their eternally hardened state and cannot help but feel sorry for them. they do not befriend them, by no means! but the lover of Christ also does not nurture malice towards them in their vigilance against their temptations.
it is like when a person around us is angry and envious of us; the best thing to do is not confront them directly, but to pray to the Lord and do what we can to not harm them. we see them harming themselves and we ache in compassion, not wanting them to suffer but knowing that we are not the ones to make choices for them. we let them live, and we try to acquire the Spirit of Peace.
so too with the little tricksters; we expect their mischief and attempts to destroy us as granted by Divine providence for our purification, and are grateful to God in such trials if we see His loving hand in all of it.
the lover of Christ takes pity on the demons whilst not reconciling with them, never entering dialogue with them, never accepting their pernicious suggestions. seeing that the demons fell from adoration of God to hatred of Him; they see themselves in such a way, too.
such lovers of God see how the Lord has allowed us to fall so greatly into demonic traps and our own foolishness, and they cannot help but praise God for His goodness. He does not immediately administer the destruction of demons, but has promised that they would go away to the torment they prefer over love of Him. nor does He immediately administer judgment onto His Image, but patiently endures our rigidity until His mercy begins to soften our hearts.
for this we ought to be endlessly grateful! that the Lord is merciful, super-abundantly merciful! and we ought to show mercy and compassion to all as He does, to every single one of His creations. may it be so through His grace, and through the prayers of His Most Pure Mother, of our Fathers among the Saints, and of all His Body!
Glory to Him, to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, both now and forever and to the endless ages of eternity, Amen.
written on March 20th, 2026