I hate myself
I hate that I have such a low self-esteem
It’s like no matter how many people tells me I’m good looking, I’ll just never listen.
I want to believe them. Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I want to believe in good looking? But for some reason I just can’t. It’s so annoying. Cause I want to accept compliments and be able to just give them back. But it always ends with me being super stiff once I received them, cause I immediately register them as lies. Worst part is, I have no way of knowing which is true!
When I was a kid, I thought I was the most handsome man in the world, then I grew up, got insecure about microscopic details, gained some weight, not really a lot I guess… but I still got called fat. As a kid I was always the skinny one. And I never saw myself as fat, so when they teased me like that, it just hurt terribly, and while I don’t think I was fat, i definitely felt like it.
Now I’m being called skinny called. I’m honestly even being called underweight. But I still feel fat. Like my fat percentage won’t go down. And I don’t starve myself. But that’s honestly the problem. Instead of starving myself or working out to better myself, I seem to bury my face in sweets. I hate that. I hate my self-esteem. I hate my looks. I hate my personality. And I especially hate myself.