Stay at home dad expectations
Hi! Full time working mom of an 8 month old here. My husband is a stay at home dad and I've been frustrated at the state of our house ever since he started watching the kiddo. When I first had our kiddo, it was an unexpected c section, so I could t really do much. My husband stayed home for the first 4 weeks with me, then went back to work as I had maternity leave for a little over 3 months. I am forever grateful for that time. He switched to 2nd shift for that time period as the pay was better, so didn't get home til late, sometimes midnight. I would watch the baby, clean the house. Make sure I had dinner ready for him, and most days, be awake when he got home so we could talk abit about his day and spend tome together. Those night were brutal. I would get up so that he could sleep, sometimes up for hours with a fussy baby, but I was grateful for him working so hard, so did my best to let him sleep.
When I had to go to work, it was hard. My boss was very generous with me, and allowed me to work from home 3 days a week as I am still breastfeeding, this was and is a lifesaver. I have a fairly stressful job, and recently developed a stress related autoimmune response due to everything going on, so have also been dealing with that.
He doesn't do anything but watch the baby during the day. I get it, as I also watched him for a few months by myself, he can be a handful and some days it is hard to get anything done. But when I was recovering from a c section, I still found time to make him food, grocery shop, clean the house, and take care of the baby.. the one thing he has to do is let the dogs out, and half the time, I'm doing that too. I work at 8 am, so get up at 7 when working from home, 6 when I have to go to work. I'm taking care of the baby all night as we co sleep, he is up 3 to 4 times a night. My husband used to help with the baby at night. But recently, he has just wanted me. My husband doesn't get up until 9:30 or 10 most days. So he is getting way more sleep than me.
I am doing dishes, grocery shopping, meal planning, paying all the bills, working full time, and breastfeeding/pumping and trying to keep my supply up. I made up food for my little guy, put. It in the freezer and made a list so that my husband knows what to feed him, I asked him to feed him 2x a day, so once when I am working ( we usually both feed him food at night) and he hasn't started. Every time I bring it up he just says he forgot.. he is in charge of laundry, as I got sick of being the only one doing chores, so i assigned it to him. He didn't do laundry for a week and a half, I was out of pants and underwear, so I ended up doing the laundry the night before mothers day and having to stay up til after midnight. The 3 clean loads of laundry are still sitting on the couch unfolded.
We have talked about all of this. He keeps saying he will do better. I have not seen a change, and I'm so tired.. I have tried to make it easier for him, but I'm just resentful at this point. Because I tried so hard when I was home to keep the baby happy, house clean and take care of him, why can't I be treated with the same care in return?? I'm not even expecting the same thing i did as he does take care of the cars and mows the lawn so does have other responsibilities ( though they are not every day ones). But like 2x a week for him to do laundry at least would be great. Idk what to do anymore....
He is a great dad to our son. He loves him, and our son adores him. The baby laughs are real when they're playing. So sometimes I wonder if I'm just being a bitch with all of this too... idk. I love him, and he is a good man, I dint make this post to bash him, so please don't in the comments. Just looking for advice on how to fix this as I'm at my wits end.
Other stay at home dads, what are your expectations during the day for yourself? How did you and your wife come up with a plan that worked for you? Genuinely wondering how to navigate this as I am out of ideas. Thank you for the feedback!!!