(Disclaimer; this could also fall under family advice, serious, financial, and career advice. Wasn’t really sure what to put it under.)
TW: Mentions of drugs and smoking
I (21f) would like to begin the process of moving out with my (22m) long distance boyfriend.
We have been dating for about two years now (known for 6y) and have 31k saved up between the two of us.
Notes;
- I have my license and drive a car I helped pay off (I pay for insurance and repairs) but am not allowed to have in my name.
- He has a license and pays for insurance, repairs, etc on an old car he bought and owns.
- He has credit, I do not.
- He does not want to rent and wants to do his best to not go into any sort of substantial debt.
- He has a lot of work experience (13 years worth (partially out of necessity), while I only have about 2.
- We both have independent financials (neither parties’ family has access to account funds.)
- We have met up in person, in our respective states, several times now.
- My boyfriend does not have a stable living situation, and his parents may lose their house due to debt.
He believes the best option for us getting what we want as soon as possible is to buy a large plot of land somewhere (min: 5 acre, ideal: 10+ acre) and building a house on it. He has worked construction, contracting, IT, plumbing, mechanic, the whole nine yards, he is pretty handy. Hell, he has helped to raise a house with his own two hands for his grandmother in West Virginia. However, I know logically it will be a lot, even with his background, despite his enthusiasm to do it.
This isn’t really a new thing with him, he has on and off brought this up over the years but now that we’re actually gaining the funds to make it happen, he has been pushing for it more.
He wants to make money anyway possible but mainly to take this land, start a business on it (growing hydroponic herbs/spices/foods that are difficult to come by) and selling them to restaurants and online.
Us to work any job we can to fund this start up and to just make it work.
It sounds very lovely, but I am trapped between two opportunities.
Because I can go do this with him, and start my independent life, one where I don’t have to answer to anyone but ride a hell of a struggle bus.
Or
I can start a business with my father (pretty traditionalist, conservative type, a woman’s place is best in the house type of guy (but does recognize it is almost impossible to achieve today.)) He is a business owner, has owned several businesses over his life and the current one right now involves a smoke shop with weed, vapes, all the like.
He wants me to put down 70k down to buy out his coowner, which would put me on a 5y payment plan of about 6k monthly to fully buyout this other individual.
This business is profitable despite being in a field I don’t desire (don’t smoke, never have, have no desire to start.)
The only reason I would do this business with my father, despite having voiced my grievances with him and him still pushing for it, is because he is my dad and I do see how it would make money.
I do not want to sacrifice my family for my boyfriend, just as I don’t really want to sacrifice my boyfriend for my family.
This route would keep me locked into my current home state for the next several years but does offer sustainability at the cost of autonomy and bits of my sanity.
What would you have me do? What other options would you have me try? Is there a good middle ground to walk or am I foolish for even attempting it? What are some steps I can achieve to better prepare myself for a move out?
All advice welcome, even the hard knock truth, thank you.