Hi there. Im in high school and i am incredibly skinny. growing up i did not play sports, i did not exercise, and i never learned to do anything.
as a result of this, i am an astonishing and, according to some classmates, "scary", 110-115 pounds, at 6 feet tall.
I look at myself and feel pure hatred, and i truly dont want to be skin and bones anymore. I have such low self esteem, i get made fun of, and my romantic life is a joke. i understand this may seem silly to read to some adults, cause im just in high school, but it is what it is
its far beyond my romantic life though, i just really don't want to ask others for help carrying things, or in general feel like a sad excuse of a man anymore. i want to stop hating myself. and i want to be able to protect myself, and others, and be able to help around the house more too.
My goal is to have a lean but muscular build, because thats honestly the intended look i want to go for. i honestly wouldn't mind being skinny if i had some defined, and useful muscles. if my genetics run skinny, oh well, but at least i'll have some muscle. i honestly want that.
The issue is i have no idea what im doing at all, and i have no idea even where to start. this seems so daunting and intimidating, I dont know anything about eating habits and how to change them, i dont know anything about exercises or anything, in fact i honestly just recently learned what "reps" and "sets" were. this is how beginner i am 😭
I feel like at this point id be extremely ashamed to go to a gym, and i cant really anyways since my family's 2000 toyota has decided to kick the bucket for now. my options are limited right now so maybe gym isnt the best until our financial situation improves. the clubhouse where i live has a gym but again id feel so ashamed and embarrassed.
So please, i know this may be a bad question, but where do i start? theres so much i have to learn, and starting from the complete bottom this seems so intimidating and scary. i'd love some pointers from some of y'all so i can get off my butt and start improving myself. thank you
Edit: and for reference, i struggle with 5-10 pound weights and i fully cant do anything more than 10.
Sorry another edit: i think i am so skinny that when i do pushups, or attempt to, my elbows click. i think its a vein, or tendon, or something, moving around as my arm bends, and since theres nothing inbetween that and the bone, it snaps into the bent position, and it feels really freaky, and sometimes creates a similar sensation to hitting my funnybone