I'm 17M(Indian) and had been a victim of domestic abuse along with my mom for the initial 15 years of my life. My father used to be very short tempered and would hit my mom for the smallest mistakes and I've been witnessing that ever since i was a child. My father would grab her hair, slap her and punch her. My grandparents who lived in the same house, would try to stop him and they were able to do so.
There's this one incident that i remember very clearly, when i was in around 2nd grade, we purchased a small apartment a bit far from our home but in the same city, so my parent got in to a fight and my father left the house and went to the apartment to maybe live alone for a while and my mother after he left, decided to go too. I wasn't home while all of this was happening i was probably in school. So when i arrive home i couldn't find my parents so i asked my uncle where are they? he said where they were and decided to take me there but he didn't come with me to the apartment idk why but yeah. So i knocked on the door and my father let me in and i see my mother just lying on the kitchen floor, i was shellshocked, I thought she was dead i tried waking her up but she wouldn't i cried a hell lot, the whole kitchen was chaotic, boxes scattered all over the floor and when i asked my father about my mom he didn't answer me and tried to wake my mother up by kicking her. I don't remember what happened afterwards. This incident really bothered me i didn't know and still don't know how to fucking process this.
This one incident happened 2 years ago when i was in 10th grade, my parents weren't talking to each other for around a week prolly so one night my mother decided to sleep next to him and sort things out (she used to do this a lot and now it always makes me wonder how would she even endure this behavior) so my father was not co-operating with her so as soon as she got off the bed to leave he grabbed her hair and smacked her my mother started crying and went to other room and started cursing my father which infuriated him and he got up and started beating her. All of this was happening at around 12 midnight and i had school tomorrow.
Fortunately, this was the last time my father ever hit my mom. I don't know what got into him but he changed, he got control over his anger and never hit me or my mom since these 2 years. Maybe he started thinking about how all of this affected me and decided to change but idk how it happened all of a sudden. We started getting closer and i would share some of my school stories with my parents and we finally started living like a normal family. It just bothers me so much, how did this change happen all of a sudden?
I'm confused, is this the same person who used to hit my mom, does he even deserve my love? He bought me a gaming laptop a few months back and also has saved a lot of money for my education which i am obviously grateful for but it's hard to forget what he has done to me and especially my mother.
My mom obviously has not forgotten any of it and often mentions how he used to hit her but now he's changed. My mom says she didn't divorce him all because of me, she wanted me to have a good future along with the love of a mother and that's why she endured all of it just for me, she often tells me how she would've committed S word if it wasn't for me, she is living her life just so that i can succeed and i don't know how to take that tbh, she didn't have to do this all for me, she should've never had me and divorced my father early on, she should've moved on with her life, i cant bear the burden of ruining my mother's life.
i genuinely wanna know what y'all think about this.