Excuse me! I Need Help.
Hello! I am a 17-year-old(F). Last year, I made a friend in my yoga class who has been diagnosed with autism. To understand him better, I read various articles of WHO and many American and British medical/psychiatric/psychological ones. To begin with, I never realised that I was bullied as a kid in school until my class teacher and mum noticed and talked to me about it. Since childhood, I flap or move my hands in random motions whenever I got excited. I am the last one to understand the point of a joke in my friend circle. Though I have good friends now, I get exhausted talking to them or do not like spending much time with them. I dislike social gatherings. I quiet recently realised that I mimic the way people react, talk, laugh et cetera in social senarios. Just moments back, I realised the meaning of eye contact. I always thought that I had to lock my eyes into people's eyes, so often I get confused to look at which one (the left or the right). All this, takes up so much space in my mind that I realise that I barely listened to what the person in front of me just said. I have difficulty following commands. I often have to repeat them out loud to process it. I do stimming quite consciously and it helps me focus. I can talk about cats, dogs and other cute animals along with politics and education for a long time. I talk so much about them that sometimes my mother has to say, "Okay Hun, I get you. Can we talk about something else?" Then I just can't initiate a talk because it takes me some time to process what to talk about. I mean these are the only topics that I like talk to about with my friends and the people I know otherwise, I just stay quiet in that conversation. I do not like to wear traditional clothes, body hugging clothes, et cetera. I will cry or throw a tantrum (I am 17 years old) if you force me to wear it. I make sounds that are absurd. For example: Brrrrrrrrrrrr (I have fun doing it). Sometimes I do it out in public too and people give me weird stares or they just laugh. Few months back I have been very suicidal. I even tried to attempt it but failed. Just for you information, I have been diagnosed with depression at an early age of 12-years. There are so many other things, they are too much to type.
So to conclude, I would like to write that I suspect that I may have autism. I know possessing these traits does not necessarily mean that I am autistic. Therefore I will talk about it with my psychiatrist. I am too anxious and impatient to wait for the day when I'll meet my therapist. Just to let you all know, not 2 months back, I have been diagnosed with OCD. I have medications for it. Still the traits that I mentioned kind of make me concerned. If I have made anyone feel hurt, I beg your pardon. I did not mean to do it. Thank you for reading.