u/Euphoric-Cricket1461

Note: I’ve posted a few times in different communities, and haven’t gotten many responses.

Hi. I’m currently 14, and I’m really struggling at the moment. For the majority of my life, I thought my dad was a normal, decent guy. Now my mom met with divorce lawyer, and the lawyer’s labeling him as “physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive” and neglectful. I’m really struggling to fathom that. I mean- everyday wasn’t terrible, and sometimes( though seldom)- my dad was sort of nice to me. Everything functioned based on his mood.

He’d sometimes - though rare - cook for us, take us to restaurants, or somewhere else, but that wasn’t too often. He didn’t like spending time with us, and certainly made it clear ( he’d tell me “go away”, “I don’t want to be with you”, “you’re annoying me”, “get out”, etc)- ever since I was little. My mother- before working- was a huge buffer. She has flaws, of course( like telling me I “always ruin her day”, “I want to send you away”, “you always put me in a bad mood”, etc; these are usually provoked in arguments)- but she protects me physically, and sometimes emotionally- though less consistently.

Anyways, my dad once- when I was six- sat on top of my face/head area because I angered him, and was sitting in his designated spot. I remember genuinely not being able to breathe, and using my legs( which were free) to get him off- it took me a few tries, and eventually, he did. I sort of remember him kind of chucking after I got him off. I remember being terrified and kind of disassociating- I was 6-years- old. I even told my teacher, she tried to talk to my mom, saying they could “help with things” ( obviously implying they could call the police).

When I was 8-9, my dad was obsessed with teaching me how to ride a bike( he has some diagnosed mental health disorders- so do I)- and as I was on the bike, he would- per usual- shout at me in frustration when I got things wrong. I got frustrated too, so he then resorted to grappling both of my arms, lifting me off of the bike, and setting me down roughly. I remember yelling in pain, and having red marks/ red on my upper arms from the strength of his grip. He didn’t speak or look at me for a few days.

On a day-to-day basis, I barely was with him- he’d never really be present, and would vocalize his dislike of being so( statements included above)- and often would withhold affection, or get annoyed by it( he had his moments where he sometimes would- he was inconsistent). He’d never pay for my education, medical needs, would often leave us sick, etc. My mom’s family truly helped us financially.

Then, as my mother left for work, things worsened. I developed- and was diagnosed with- severe GAD, moderate MDD, potential ED/BDD, severe OCD, and- not officially, but definitely there- DP/DR. My dad does have two of the mental disorders listed above, and, surprisingly, helped me manage it sometimes( but then he’d shout at me if I didn’t understand him, so I stopped speaking to him). My mother would seldomly help, my dad sometimes helped but then later grew tired of it- I had to manage these things mostly on my own for 2-3 years, even now. There was one incident where I was having a panic attack so severe( Harm OCD-related)- and my parents retreated- my mother because she was scared, and my father because he wanted to sleep well( I barely slept that night- I felt as if I was going to faint). It became so severe that I had suicidal ideation, contacted hotlines five times a day, had urges, and my mom started looking into mental health facilities for me to stay at- I was 11 when it all started.

Back to my dad- he once lunged at me ( and badly) when I was 12, because I was in his bedroom and was being to “distracting”. I remember it so well- his eyes lit up with anger, hands in fists, position leaning forward( I’m a female- mind you). At the time, my anxiety worsened, and I couldn’t even comprehend things correctly. After my dad did that, I had some nightmares of him hurting me- same expression. I didn’t go into that bedroom for months, and I would disassociate or have random outbursts.

When my mom started working- my father also proved to be a very inconsistent caregiver. He’d often not feed us, get angry at us and not feed us, tell us to “get food yourself”( even to my 5-7 year old sister)- and would seldom make sure we ate. Several times it’d be 9-10 PM, and we’d still not be fed. Sometimes our heads and stomachs would hurt- I suppose from hunger, I’m no professional. It seemed normal to us, though- just “dad being annoying”. My sister even told a family friend that “being hungry is normal”, and she said it was because of my dad. My dad rarely cared if we ate- that became more prominent when he was being depended on, since my mom had to work to support us( he didn’t want to do that, either). Once, it was 10PM at night, and my dad did ask if we wanted something- we said “anything is okay for us”- he didn’t get us anything. My sister was crying from hunger, and asked my dad for food ( she was 7, by the way)- he started yelling curses like “Jesus Christ!!” at her. She came up to me sobbing- it was the worst thing I’ve heard( or one of).

Now my parents are divorcing- my dad knows my mom lost her job, he denied child support and alimony( providing financial assistance to your ex-spouse, for the amount of years you were together)- and told my mom he’d willingly kick us out of the house, since he wants it. He’s called me a liar before to my mom ( she told me) especially after his psychologically unstable sister called me her daughter- which I gently set a boundary on.

Anyway- there’s a lot more to unpack, but the question is: am I exaggerating? Is my mom’s divorce lawyer right? I don’t want to feel like this is all my fault, but if it is- I’ll take accountability for sure. I just have severe trust issues( oh- my dad’s also cheating on my mom, too- hopefully just recently). I just want honesty, especially since I’ve had several suicidal thoughts in the past few days.

All I’m saying is that I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried therapy, anxiety meds, contacting several hotlines, attempting to talk to my mom ( and sometimes dad) even after being shouted at or feeling invalidated, nearly being sent to a mental facility, etc.

My question is: is my situation that bad, or am I exaggerating? If I am, I will 100% take accountability and apologize to anyone I hurt- I don’t want that. But, I just need honesty. This is my last resort.

If any of you reading this are going through something similar- I get you 100%. What you’re going through is traumatic, valid, and I will 100% reply to comments regarding that, and will help as best as I can.

So sorry for the length and disorganization.

Hi. I’m currently 14, and I’m really struggling at the moment. For the majority of my life, I thought my dad was a normal, decent guy. Now my mom met with divorce lawyer, and the lawyer’s labeling him as “physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive” and neglectful. I’m really struggling to fathom that. I mean- everyday wasn’t terrible, and sometimes( though seldom)- my dad was sort of nice to me. Everything functioned based on his mood.

He’d sometimes - though rare - cook for us, take us to restaurants, or somewhere else, but that wasn’t too often. He didn’t like spending time with us, and certainly made it clear ( he’d tell me “go away”, “I don’t want to be with you”, “you’re annoying me”, “get out”, etc)- ever since I was little. My mother- before working- was a huge buffer. She has flaws, of course( like telling me I “always ruin her day”, “I want to send you away”, “you always put me in a bad mood”, etc; these are usually provoked in arguments)- but she protects me physically, and sometimes emotionally- though less consistently.

Anyways, my dad once- when I was six- sat on top of my face/head area because I angered him, and was sitting in his designated spot. I remember genuinely not being able to breathe, and using my legs( which were free) to get him off- it took me a few tries, and eventually, he did. I sort of remember him kind of chucking after I got him off. I remember being terrified and kind of disassociating- I was 6-years- old. I even told my teacher, she tried to talk to my mom, saying they could “help with things” ( obviously implying they could call the police).

When I was 8-9, my dad was obsessed with teaching me how to ride a bike( he has some diagnosed mental health disorders- so do I)- and as I was on the bike, he would- per usual- shout at me in frustration when I got things wrong. I got frustrated too, so he then resorted to grappling both of my arms, lifting me off of the bike, and setting me down roughly. I remember yelling in pain, and having red marks/ red on my upper arms from the strength of his grip. He didn’t speak or look at me for a few days.

On a day-to-day basis, I barely was with him- he’d never really be present, and would vocalize his dislike of being so( statements included above)- and often would withhold affection, or get annoyed by it( he had his moments where he sometimes would- he was inconsistent). He’d never pay for my education, medical needs, would often leave us sick, etc. My mom’s family truly helped us financially.

Then, as my mother left for work, things worsened. I developed- and was diagnosed with- severe GAD, moderate MDD, potential ED/BDD, severe OCD, and- not officially, but definitely there- DP/DR. My dad does have two of the mental disorders listed above, and, surprisingly, helped me manage it sometimes( but then he’d shout at me if I didn’t understand him, so I stopped speaking to him). My mother would seldomly help, my dad sometimes helped but then later grew tired of it- I had to manage these things mostly on my own for 2-3 years, even now. There was one incident where I was having a panic attack so severe( Harm OCD-related)- and my parents retreated- my mother because she was scared, and my father because he wanted to sleep well( I barely slept that night- I felt as if I was going to faint). It became so severe that I had suicidal ideation, contacted hotlines five times a day, had urges, and my mom started looking into mental health facilities for me to stay at- I was 11 when it all started.

Back to my dad- he once lunged at me ( and badly) when I was 12, because I was in his bedroom and was being to “distracting”. I remember it so well- his eyes lit up with anger, hands in fists, position leaning forward( I’m a female- mind you). At the time, my anxiety worsened, and I couldn’t even comprehend things correctly. After my dad did that, I had some nightmares of him hurting me- same expression. I didn’t go into that bedroom for months, and I would disassociate or have random outbursts.

When my mom started working- my father also proved to be a very inconsistent caregiver. He’d often not feed us, get angry at us and not feed us, tell us to “get food yourself”( even to my 5-7 year old sister)- and would seldom make sure we ate. Several times it’d be 9-10 PM, and we’d still not be fed. Sometimes our heads and stomachs would hurt- I suppose from hunger, I’m no professional. It seemed normal to us, though- just “dad being annoying”. My sister even told a family friend that “being hungry is normal”, and she said it was because of my dad. My dad rarely cared if we ate- that became more prominent when he was being depended on, since my mom had to work to support us( he didn’t want to do that, either). Once, it was 10PM at night, and my dad did ask if we wanted something- we said “anything is okay for us”- he didn’t get us anything. My sister was crying from hunger, and asked my dad for food ( she was 7, by the way)- he started yelling curses like “Jesus Christ!!” at her. She came up to me sobbing- it was the worst thing I’ve heard( or one of).

Now my parents are divorcing- my dad knows my mom lost her job, he denied child support and alimony( providing financial assistance to your ex-spouse, for the amount of years you were together)- and told my mom he’d willingly kick us out of the house, since he wants it. He’s called me a liar before to my mom ( she told me) especially after his psychologically unstable sister called me her daughter- which I gently set a boundary on.

Anyway- there’s a lot more to unpack, but the question is: am I exaggerating? Is my mom’s divorce lawyer right? I don’t want to feel like this is all my fault, but if it is- I’ll take accountability for sure. I just have severe trust issues( oh- my dad’s also cheating on my mom, too- hopefully just recently). I just want honesty, especially since I’ve had several suicidal thoughts in the past few days.

So sorry for the length and disorganization