I'm a 24 yo transman living together with a 33 yo gay man.
I consider us to be good friends and he usually brings any issues he has with me or my behavior to my attention sooner or later, as he sees that it might improve my character in the long term.
Recently he's started to question my claim to being gay, as a transman attracted to men, because I lack any broader knowledge of the culture and terminology associated with it.
Discovering and coming to terms with my identity has been a recent development that's still a WIP, so I never took the time to seriously do research on what it means to be gay, as I also see doing so as being kind of superficial.
After another outing of not knowing proper gay terminology (in this instance the clear difference between wolf, fox, bear, otter, etc.)
my roommate suggested that my performed identity reads as cosplay to him.
I've lived most of my life as a woman, I was socialized as one and I never before associated my attraction to men as synonymous with being gay because I was still in denial of being a transman.
I also haven't been particularly involved with many people, be it romantic or sexually.
He counteracted this argument by pointing out how he did his research on gay practices, culture and terminology early on before he was even outed, which verifies/validates his identity.
In the past he's also made claims such as no gay men actually being interested in transmen without being chasers or used terms such as (translation) "pussyboy" to refer to transmen.
That was in the context of using grindr and how many chasers I might encounter there, but it still made me uncomfortable.
He also implied that my identifying as trans might stem from internalized misogyny and an act of escapism.
Now I'm wondering what even makes a gay or a transman.
Is it wrong to be invalidated because of a lack of knowledge or experience?
Doesn't it suffice to identify as a MlM?
Or am I really just a straight woman in cosplay?