I was sexually assaulted in January and May of 2024. A partner was recording me without my knowledge or consent for an extended period of time. Then, someone else brutally assaulted me. I found out this person has also done this to multiple women after they messaged me on social media.
Looking back at every sexual/romantic relationship I’ve had - I have never felt comfortable. My previous boyfriend would get enraged at me for not performing acts on him in public, etc.
On top of this - the comments I see online (and in real life) about sexual abuse really make me not want to date someone or be intimate ever again. I’m afraid of men as a whole and I know it’s not fair. I’m genuinely afraid that most men are sexual predators and cannot settle in their presence.
I feel like my life is ruined because I avoid relationships, sex, and changed my plans to have children because I’m afraid for them. Has anyone experienced this? What helped for you? Also please don’t suggest therapy because I cannot afford it and I was rejected from the free resource near me.