u/Equivalent_Wing_9028

At the minimum, no matter what i do in life, my goal is death. I am waiting for death. I can accept that this is the trajectory that god chose for me in this incarnation, but I cannot reasonably identify with it, so my goal is death.

I won't kill myself, because that would refusing the incarnation, which goes against the will of the Universe.

Yet finally i'm at peace, rather than thinking I have to reverse from a very ugly guy to a pretty boy, I can just accept death and play the rest of life in a semi-detached deeply spiritual peace.