So back in 2024, I randomly came across a video on my YouTube feed of this girl telling a story of how she got disowned by her family. I did find her pretty attractive, but I didn't think much of it at the time, and at the end of the video she said she was going to make a second part, so I checked her channel and she had indeed uploaded that second part which I also watched. Well, because I watched those two videos, YouTube started recommending me her short form videos, and I was bored one day so I binge watched a lot of them, and that's when my infatuation for her kept growing.
However, it got to a point where I became acutely conscious of it, so I began making an effort to view less of her content. YouTube would still recommend her videos to me, but instead of watching many of them like I used to, I began regularly skipping them which resulted in YouTube recommending them less and less.
I had moved on with my life after that, but a few months ago, I saw a video of hers again on my feed and I decided to watch it, but this time I found her even more attractive. I believe it probably has to do with me being at an age now where I am seriously thinking about marriage, so seeing her now made me even more attracted to her. It doesn't help that she ticks a lot of boxes for me with regards to religion, personality, age, and even upbringing (we're both second-generation immigrants who grew up in a western country and whose parents are from the same region). I was also surprised at how big her social media following became since the last time I checked. She now has 150k subscribers on YouTube, 400k followers on Instagram, and 1.1 million followers on TikTok.
I know I pretty much have no chance with this person and that she likely has super high standards for a man, but there is that small part of me that's deluded myself into thinking that there could be a 0.1% chance. She doesn't live too far from me either, it's a 75 minute flight or a 4.5 hour drive between us. She's the most attractive woman I've ever seen, but I've thought that of other women in the past too, so I don't really know what to think.
This mostly a venting post, but if anybody has any advice or a similar experience they would like to share then please do so!