I’m a horrible mum
I don’t know how to keep showing up. My daughter is 4 and level 2. I have just yelled at her at 2am after getting woken up. She has a lot of sleep difficulties and I’ve been working hard on supporting her through them while also trying to keep it sustainable for myself and my husband. We got to the point that when she came out I could tell her it was ok, go back to bed and I’ll check you on in a couple of minutes rather than the former of laying on her floor for hours during the night. My husband has recently started laying in her room again if he gets woken and she reverted back to getting upset if we don’t. I just lost it tonight. I told her the usual line and she didn’t have it. I’ve got my own struggles at the moment but it’s not excuse for how I reacted. I have since been into her room and trying to make it right but I know it’s not. I’ve never been the best mum. I’m so reactive and burnt out and I feel like she gets the worst version of me. I shout, I’m inconsistent in my parenting and I can see that it makes her anxious. I stay awake every night drowning in guilt and vowing to do better the next day but I always revert back. The amount that I’m needed and the lack of support is so hard. I don’t know my girl keeping loving me every day when I’m like this. She deserves so much better than what I am. I was such a quiet, generally nice person before i became a mum. I don’t recognise myself now.