After over a decade of CNA/EMT experience I decided to go to nursing school and live out my dream of being an ER nurse. After completing the program with a stellar GPA and recommendation letters from all my professors I started applying for jobs and quickly received swift rejection letters from everywhere after interviewing. Luckily I was able to land a job working in an OR. Definitely not my first choice but considering most of my cohort were struggling to land jobs without moving out of state, I gratefully accepted the offer. If I had only known what was to come I would have continued searching.
The first week of orientation was pleasant enough but the red flags were there. Having worked at several highly accredited facilities in my tenure as a tech I knew that this hospital was one with high turnover as evidenced by the person running orientation mentioning culture wasn’t the best and turnover was an issue. Still I promised myself I would put in a solid effort and make the best out of it. That was until I began working with my preceptor. In all my years i had never worked with such a hateful, spiteful, cruel person. Berating me in front of patients, staff and surgeons for the simplest of mistakes. Every time I would attempt to perform a skill or assist with sedation I would be physically pushed aside or yelled at to the point I just stopped trying. I grew depressed and irrationally began developing SI. I cried the night before every shift asking why I deserved to be treated like this. I lasted nearly two months like that until I approached my manager asking to switch preceptors. The request was granted but the damage was done. I couldn’t function as a circulator, having allowed this man’s words to permeate my being, making me believe that I didn’t deserve to be there. Adding to the overall culture of surgeons being assholes, other nurses gossiping I knew I had to get out. I quietly applied to another new grad residency reasoning two months of experience would be a blip on my career. I got the job.
I lasted another 3 months, managed to make it off orientation knowing my job was waiting for me but not having the financial stability to not work I decided to stay until everything was set and the job would begin. Somehow one of the nurses found out what I had managed to do and spread it to the entire department. I had trusted this nurse and to find out they betrayed me is something I still carry. Another lesson to new grads- trust no one. When the time came I turned in my badge, emptied out my locker and never turned back. With the exception of a very few individuals I can say that I had never and have not since worked with such horrible people. I have been at my new job now for 5 months and am so happy. My preceptors are amazing, staff are amazing and I look forward to work almost everyday. Maybe working OR with such a shitty preceptor gave my perspective on what a great job would be but all the same I wish I had never done it because of the psychological effect it had on me. All of this to say if you are a new grad struggling don’t suffer in silence. Sometimes walking away is worth it.